After 3.5 years together, he ended it. Out of nowhere (from my perspective.) I thought everything was fine. I thought we were going to get married and have kids. He led me to believe that was the case. Now all of a sudden it’s over. I live in his apartment – everything is his. I own nothing, have no money, no plan. I centered my life around him, which was my own fault. I feel like I’ve been cracked open and nothing is left. I’ve never felt so low and I’m starting to feel genuinely scared of what’s going on in my own mind. I don’t want to be here anymore. I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. Everything’s dark.
Pack a bag, empty his bank account, and buy a one-way ticket to a city far, far away. Better yet, take his car and drive there. Find an apartment with roommates. Get a job, go to school, make friends. Build an entirely new life.
I’m deadly serious about all of that, but if it seems too extreme, then just start by packing a bag. Get out of his apartment as soon as possible. That’s the first step towards feeling whole again.
There’s no way you can see this yet, but you’ve been given a rare and precious gift. You get a fresh start with a clean slate. You get to hit the reset button on your life, and as terrifying as that sounds, it’s likely going to be one of the most profound and necessary experiences of your life.
Get going. You can do this.
15 thoughts on “On hitting the reset button”
I’m confused, why should she steal his stuff? From her description it certainly sounds like a fucked up imbalance of power and she deserved more warning but ‘draining his bank account’ seems like more trouble than it’s worth if there could be legal reprecussions. Kinda makes starting over difficult.
Why should he deliberately lead her on for years?
I’m not saying he doesn’t deserve to have anything taken from him, I’m saying that stealing to that degree doesn’t seem feesible or like the best advice. She’ll have someone actively sending the police after her and seeking retribution, that could really hinder her attempts to start over.
That’s life? Maybe he didn’t lead OP on (do we know this is a she? I will have to go back to reread), maybe OP is toxic and this was the BF’s hard decision after a long agaonizing decision making process. There is a LOT we do not know about this scenario.
I personally think Coke choked on this one.
all women should steal from men. grow up.
You are assuming OP is a woman. Grow up.
there’s a mild implication that they are a woman who identifies with “having” versus adopting kids.
on the real, you know she provided an extreme to someone who felt shocked, alone and in a great deal of emotional pain. it was the cheerleading they needed to hear to pack up a damn bag and gtfo. pretty obvious to me since coke typically tailors her response to the question.
I’m going to tell you something that won’t feel like it makes sense right now.
This is a gift. Forget about the cost.
There are damn few times in our lives when we can completely remake our self image. This beautiful moment can be seized for the exhilaration of finding out who YOU are. There’s a fair chance you even lost yourself in the mind meld of cohabitation and you’re gonna get that back.
Bitch, you get to decide what color the toilet paper is and not look over your shoulder! Hotdog for dinner at 3:00 a.m. feel free. Call it an early evening and go for ice cream within five minutes of deciding that’s the deal…all yours.
Living alone will tell you what you want.
Living with roommates will tell you who you are.
One door closes three doors open.
Do you have a job? Have you had jobs? Personally I find it difficult to stick with an occupation for more than six months unless I fall in love with the crew. One of my greatest delights has been trying on different hats. If you’re career minded just remember that not everything has to go on your resume. The satisfaction that can be gained from busting your ass for not much pay with a bunch of salty mates is priceless.
“Good people can make the worst job tolerable.
Bad people can make the best job impossible.” – me
Um, no, that one’s not yours. My dad was saying that forty years ago. I assume he was neither original nor alone. Still true, though, and the latter half happened to me recently. Sucked.
Yeah. It’s mine. I patented it 41 years ago.
Perfect advice CT.
Defo take the car and the money.
If you consider this “wrong advice” you’re in the wrong place. This isn’t mums net.
I took this opportunity in 2007 when I was 22 and never looked back! It was the best decision made out of the worst situation.
Same sitch for me, too. I mean, I didn’t steal BF’s stuff, but I did take my sweet ass out of there, and it was great.