What do you think about monogamy?
I think it’s limiting, problematic, and too often confused with fidelity.

What do you think about Chuck Palahniuk?
I think he’s great. I want him to go all Roald Dahl and start writing children’s books.

How does George Zimmerman have a girlfriend?
Florida.

What do you think about Adam Levine?
I do not think about Adam Levine. At all. Ever. (Even just now, answering this question, didn’t think a single thing about him.)

You’ll be voting for Hillary, right?
Voting? Hell, I’d leave my job to work on her campaign.

Is Angelina Jolie for real? She seems so great, does all this great stuff, has these gorgeous kids she both adopted and created with Brad…what’s she hiding?
Nothing. Well, nothing unusual. Just crippling self doubt and decades worth of daddy issues. You know, just like the rest of us.

Why does my skin crawl whenever someone says “my parents taught me to be tolerant.”
Because what they’re really saying is “my parents taught me how to mask my arrogance and manage my white guilt with sanctimonious lip service to basic human decency.”

Have you ever had your IQ formally tested? Do you know what your actual IQ is? I ask for a paper I’m writing for my Intro to Psychology class.
Yep. I had my IQ formally tested for a research study back in school. I don’t know my score, but it was more than three standard deviations from the mean, so I couldn’t participate in the study. (At least, that’s what they told me.)

So tell us, how did you mend your heart over the last month?
Doing this.