Fun-Sized Advice

On fun-sized advice

Is being married and having kids overrated?
Don’t know. Don’t care to know.

Can exes be friends?
Exes can be friendly. There’s a difference.

Do you have to date tons of people before you know you’ve met the one?
You might have to date tons of people before you believe me, but there is no such thing as “the one.”

God dammit, Coquette. Teach me how to have ex-sex and not get upset afterward. Please.
Sure thing, right after I teach you how to put your hand on a hot stove without getting burned.

I find your advice “to cut people out of your life” to be overkill. It is great advice if you want to be alone and disliked. Dumb people take that shit seriously.
It’s not supposed to be a hobby, asshole. It’s an extreme measure for people in toxic situations with emotional vampires.

How do I reconcile my repulsion towards religion with the people around me whom I love, respect, and trust that adhere to it?
Quietly regard their religion as a collective mental disorder. (Because it is.) The disorder is not their fault, and curing them is not your responsibility.

I’m a college student from the Midwest with an animation industry internship in L.A. this summer! What are the best things to do for fun under 21 out here?
Get a fake ID.

What brand of mascara do you use? I can’t find one I like. Thanks! You’re awesome.
Diorshow by Christian Dior. Hands down the best.

Should the toilet paper hang over or under the roll?
Over. Always over. What are we, savages?

Do you believe that there is a supernatural realm?
Of course not. Don’t be silly.

I’m going to Europe this summer. Any suggestions?


2 thoughts on “On fun-sized advice

  1. Chris says:

    On cutting out toxic people, I highly rec’d it. Highly.

    I spent years trying to have close relationships with certain relatives. It ended up being a complete waste of time. The final straw with one was when he got upset about something and decided to lay waste to our relationship by divulging confidential things I had told him in an attempt to make a liar out of me, but all he did was bring shame upon other people he claimed to care about by revealing a betrayal I had long ago forgiven. The next time I saw him was at a surprise party where I finally didn’t feel obligated to entertain his boring, self-centered wife for any period of time, or talk to him, and it was there that I saw how free I was. In fact, on the way home – and maybe for a month after – I couldn’t shut up about how nice it was.

    HERE’S WHY YOU DO THIS: the time you are wasting with toxic people is time you could be spending with people who actually respect you and themselves. And here’s 3 great examples from my life.

    1) At that surprise party I mentioned, rather than waste my time talking to him, I ended up talking to an author whose most recent book I edited.

    2) I used to talk to the above person just about everyday. When I had that time freed up, I began emailing a good friend in the UK more often. 6 months later he connected me with an opportunity for a job from home with an ad agency, and I doubled my income.

    3) When a friend who had moved a few states away had a housewarming, we went, and he felt so moved that I’d make the trip to celebrate with him and his family that he invited me as his guest to Amsterdam for his son’s soccer tournament. He put me up in a totally sweet B&B with a smart and gorgeous owner who conveniently came to freshen up the room each evening as I was retiring, and on the way home I was bumped up to First Class (put in capitals because it was fucking awesome!!!).

    With the former, I’d never been led to any good business opportunities. With the latter, I was able to afford to do awesome stuff for my wife and kids unlike ever before. With the former, the best travel was a bachelor weekend in Vegas where he made a complete fool of himself, and not in a fun Vegas-ey way. With the latter, I had an amazing time is a fantastic city I’d never been to for under $200.

    It’s worth it. Believe me.

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