Fun-Sized Advice

On fun-sized advice

Why do people get stuck in adolescence? It’s shit.
Yeah, but it’s shit without any accountability.

Are you still a virgin if you use a vibrator?
You’re still a virgin if you have to ask this question.

Why do I always feel bad about myself after I hook up with people at parties?
You were taught to be ashamed of your sexuality. Plus, you do stupid shit when you get fucked up.

Which Hitchens book should I gift an idealistic, twenty-something divorce lawyer?
Letters to a Young Contrarian

Why does Will Smith never age?
Black don’t crack. Everyone knows this.

Do you think world peace is possible?
Not at our current stage of sociocultural evolution.

Dying to know: What do you think about the HBO show Girls?

It does not get to have one of my opinions.

you’re such a cunt. I bet you’re fat and unlovable
Well, now I know your two greatest fears.

Why does everyone assume you’re a famous person?
Everyone doesn’t, but the ones who do tend to think that the only reason a person wouldn’t want fame is because they already have it.

Have you ever wanted kids? You’d be a good parent.
The thought of squeezing tiny humans out of my vagina truly horrifies me.

Where do I go as an atheist to confess? You’re the closest thing to a secular priest around here…

Confess to me if you like, but I can’t grant absolution. No one can do that for you but yourself.


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