Fun-Sized Advice

On fun-sized advice

If I want to read, write, see the world, etc., then why do I spend all of my time playing videogames?
Because your idealized self-image does not match reality.

If I might die today what is the point of saving money, or planning for the future at all really??
Sure, you might die today, but you probably won’t for quite some time. Don’t be an asshole about it, and deal with your shit.

Is there any truth to “fake it til you make it?”
Only if you make it.

My guy friend thinks that women just don’t have analytical brains, and that is why all of the top performers in “intellectual” professions are men. How do I stop giving a fuck about idiots like this so I don’t spend my life angry?
Stop being friends with them.

How do you define “losing your virginity”?
Your virginity isn’t something I care to define. Spend some time analyzing the cultural and historical implications of virginity, then decide for yourself whether you think it’s still a relevant concept.

Would you fuck Putin?
With a rainbow colored twelve inch strap-on.

Why am I so unsettled by George W. Bush’s paintings?
Because each shallow canvas is irrefutable evidence that a childlike simpleton spent eight long years as President of the United States.

What’s the difference between group sex and an orgy?
Name tags.

I like you but I think that I like you in the same way I like cheap vodka, an easy way out. Obviously you’re human but seriously your ego and sheer arrogance is painful to read. I once found your advice to be that of a big sister that I never had but I’ve lost the faith. Is it me or is it you? Both?
It’s not me. It’s the voice in your head you hear when you read me, which is really just a projection of yourself. You’re thinking more critically now, and that’s the whole point. I’m glad that you once found my advice sisterly, but at the same time, I’m just as happy for you to realize that I’m as completely full of shit as everyone else.

You seem to be a pretty negative person all-around. Does that ever get tiring?
Bitch, please. I’m a fucking pleasure.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *