Fun-Sized Advice

On fun-sized advice

Dear Coquette,

Is it wrong to get food stamps if I’m legally qualified but don’t really need them to survive?
It’s your dignity. Do what you want with it.

Does being lazy make me a bad person?

No. It makes you a bad employee.

How do I stay motivated in college?

Pay for it yourself.

Does Ann Coulter really believe the things she preaches or does she do it for the money?

There’s no excuse for either.

I’m 22. Is a 39-year-old man too old for me?

A 39-year-old man is definitely too old for you, but a 39-year-old boy might be just the right age.

Why are you so angry?

I’m not angry. I’m just paying attention.

I feel like I deserve more in my relationship.

More what? Love? Sex? Bacon? Please be more specific.

Is it natural for there to be a minor ebb and flow of feeling for a romantic partner?

You’re lucky if it’s only minor.

What’s the best way to help your friend fall out of love with you?

Shut up and get the hell out of the way.

How do you tell the difference between friend-love and romantic-love?

Passion. (Not to be confused with sex.)

I know this is cheap but I’m a little hungover and I just realized I gave away my lighter while high and I want it back. Is it rude to ask for it? Should I just get a new one?

You wouldn’t last very long in prison. Just sayin’.

Can you explain the psychosis of people who constantly need to upload pictures of themselves onto the internet?

Psychosis? That kind of thing isn’t even abnormal. Sorry, dude. The line between public and private is permanently blurred, and technology will always be tied to our egos. If you don’t like it, feel free to delete your Facebook account.

What does it mean when a guy chases you for weeks or months, then tells you he’s “not ready for a relationship” once you start to date?

It doesn’t mean anything. That’s kind of the point.

It’ll all be okay, right?

Nope. It’ll just be.


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