Fun-Sized Advice

On fun-sized advice.

Dear Coquette,

Are there such things as absolutes, or is everything just relative to the way we choose to see them?

What is the difference between self-respect and integrity?

Integrity is objective. Self-respect is subjective. 

What do you do when you come out as gay and your parents completely reject your existence and try to “fix” you? I’m disgusted and at a loss. I don’t know what to do anymore.

Fix them instead.

What do you think of Newt Gingrich’s request for an open marriage?

That raging narcissist didn’t ask for an open marriage. He asked his wife for permission to continue cheating. There’s a huge difference.

I met a guy named Jerry at a frat party. We talked in “the voice” from “Seinfeld” and then did the little kicks dance. I think I’m in love.

Yeah, but if you catch him picking his nose in his car, you have to break up with him.

When will you start taking your “happy pills” again?

I am a happy pill.

What’s your opinion of Dr. Drew?

He’s a hooker with a heart of gold.

Is it ever OK to say “I told you so”?

Sure. You don’t need my permission to be a jerk.

What do you do when you’ve been rejected?

I do what I can not to take it personally, and then I move on.

Why does it hurt so much to find out that a recent ex-boyfriend is sleeping with a new woman? We’re not together anymore … so why does this kill more than the breakup did?

That’s what happens when stale jealousy mixes with fresh envy. It’s a brutal combo, and it’s also a big red flag that you’re not over him yet.

I’m trying to get a great internship. Do you have any suggestions on how to stand out with either my cover letter or résumé?  Or both?   

Those are just pieces of paper. Find other ways to stand out than pieces of paper.

They’ve got two young kids and their divorce still isn’t finalized. She’s now living with her boyfriend, though, and it’s just a matter of paperwork. Is he fair game?

Technically yes, although not if she was your friend before you knew him. (Girl code still applies: No dating your friend’s exes.)


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