I’m a boy and I want to buy some coketalk stuff too!
You can, dude. The fuck rings and coke rings come in size 8.5 for all the fellas.

Do you genuinely appreciate hearing from me? Do you REALLY?
Fuckin’ love it.

What is the difference between being promiscuous and being slutty?
Your vocabulary.

When will it stop hurting?
When you quit being a little emo bitch.

i’m hot but i don’t want to remove my awesome flying unicorn sweatshirt. WHAT DO I DO?
Don’t worry, you’re not hot.

Do you have Bieber Fever?
No. I’m still around 98 degrees. *zing*

how did you get so frackin wealthy?! Were you born into this? What do you do for a living?!
I work my fucking ass off, thank you very much. I was born with a lot of gifts, but money wasn’t one of them.

What’s your opinion on the Brandon Davies getting suspended from BYU sex scandal?
Brandon could’ve gone to Penn or Berkeley, but no, he is a Mormon who deliberately chose a religious school with an honor code that institutionalizes sexual repression, so fuck him. Tough shit. This is what he gets for belonging to that ridiculous cult.

I recently realized I’ve poured 5 years of my life into an education that means almost nothing in the real world… what the fuck do I do now?
Get a job.

What do you do when you realize you love your significant other more than they love you?
Embrace your vulnerability.

What’s the trick to life? I mean, what is your personal trick to feeling fulfilled more often than not?
It’s not a trick.