On drawing a line

Dear Coquette,

My best friend and my roommate (who is also one of my best friends) started having sex last year. My roommate was cheating on his girlfriend at the time, and my best friend got pissed off when he chose his girlfriend over her. He got pissed off that she read more into their sex than he intended, even though I’m not so sure she did. After the giant explosion of drama that I only caught shock waves of because I was working out of state for the summer, they kind of made up. They’ve been sporadically having sex ever since.

Here’s where it gets especially stupid. 1) They have sex. 2) He starts feeling bad because when he remembers that he thinks she’s unintelligent and that he doesn’t respect her. (He has said this to me.) He gets defensive and starts acting like a complete jackass to her. 3) She sees him acting like a jackass so she starts acting like a jackass. She’s disappointed because she thought things had changed, since he was being nice to her right before the sex. 4) Their mutual jackassery makes it really difficult to be around them because they make everything super-awkward. Her roommate and I have to listen to them complain about each other all the time. 5) After about a month or so, he starts being nice to her again because he wants to get laid. 6) They have sex and it starts all over again.

It’s starting again, and I’m so incredibly tired of it. If they had the ability to act like adults, I’d be able to stay out of it because I wouldn’t be involved in the first place. So what am I “allowed” to say? Anything? Nothing?

Ugh. I’m sick of all three of you just from reading that drama.

This ridiculousness is under your roof, so you should feel free to say whatever you want. Go ahead and verbally spank them. I would. Actually, I would lay down the law. Neither of them would be allowed to speak ill of the other. No whining. No complaining. No jackassery whatsoever.

This isn’t about you telling them what to do. This is about you refusing to let them pollute your environment with chaos. This is about their actions having consequences that extend beyond the immediate swirling mess of their own dysfunctional relationship.

Of course, the two of them can do whatever they want. They are adults, after all. Still, they don’t get to cross the threshold of your home or your head with another cycle of negativity.

Just remember, you are not obligated to put up with their immaturity, nor do you have to involve yourself by picking sides. It really is that simple. Just draw a line and don’t let either one cross it. Let ’em know. You’re sick of their behavior, both of them, and you refuse to tolerate another round of childishness.

If they can’t live up to your very reasonable expectations, be prepared to go stone cold on them. Total radio silence. If they can’t respect you enough to keep it to themselves, then consider moving on.

At the end of the day, you’re the one responsible for having mature, emotionally healthy people in your life.

Read “The Coquette” Sundays and Wednesdays in The Daily.


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