I’m 17 and 2 weeks ago my boyfriend of three years hit me. We were fighting, which rarely happens, and he was drunk. It was the first time he’s ever been remotely aggressive. But it happened and it freaked me out, so I broke up with him.
I’ll admit I’m a sheltered person, I live in suburbia and go to a private high school. In my entire life I have never felt unsafe because of where I live or who I hang out with. Thing is, I know I’m better than this. I don’t care if it’s been three years. I don’t care if it was even a one time thing. I simply won’t allow this to happen to me. But since breaking up with him, he won’t leave me alone. He’s constantly apologizing, with tears, and explaining that it was an accident. I still love him, but I’m done. I’m done and I know it to my bones that this feeling won’t change.
The problem here is that since breaking up with him all of our mutual friends have become angry with me. At school my ex-boyfriend and I were like “that couple” who everyone thought was going to get married. It’s so ridiculous, people are acting like I’ve broken some sacred rule. As a result, I’ve gone from being a well-liked person to a social pariah. I’m lonely, but all this is still not enough to make me be his girlfriend again.
I just don’t know what to do. This has been so confusing and painful, and I don’t know anyone whose gone through something similar. I’ve looked through your archives but so far I haven’t seen anything titled “on getting bitch-slapped by a lacrosse player”. So please, help me out.
You don’t need my help, kiddo. You’re doing just fine.
You did the right thing by breaking up with your boyfriend, and even though it’s making you a bit miserable at the moment, you’re proving that you have mature adult levels of both self-respect and inner strength.
Most importantly, you’ve set a rock solid precedent for all your future relationships. You’ve drawn a hard line at the the kind of abusive behavior you simply refuse to tolerate. It’s impressive, and you have my respect.
Keep it up. Don’t bother listening to your ex’s bullshit apologies, and do your best to ignore the shallow high school politics. I promise, you’re not a social pariah. You’re just learning who your real friends are. It’s tough, but it’s a valuable fucking lesson.
Also, for what it’s worth, three years is a good run for a high school relationship. I know you still love him, but you were never gonna marry this little douchebag.
Try and take the long view. Spend your senior year single. Date around a little, and go off to to college without any baggage.