On getting serious

I’ve been seeing a guy (“Z”) for around six months. I like him tons and we’re very compatible. In many of my past relationships people have had issues with my flat refusal to enter into any partnership that isn’t “open”. “Z” and I are both non-monogamous and enjoy carrying on relationships with multiple partners at varying degrees of intensity so long as everyone’s honest and safe. Recently, he confessed unprompted that he feels most strongly emotionally and physically about me. His actions demonstrate this, too. Also recently, I met his father. My instinct tells me that this person is a potential serious partner. We love, respect, and understand one another. We also have stupid amounts of fun. Here’s the thing- He’s 14 years my senior. I’m 21. In your opinion, (which I regard highly) am I being a total idiot to even consider dating someone who is 35? He doesn’t display any of the characteristics that I see in Man-children, and everything feels natural. Am I delusional? Should I maintain that I want to keep it casual, even though I don’t?

It’s too late to keep it casual. You guys already crossed the serious line a month or two ago. (Yes you did. You can tell by the fact that if one of you ended the relationship, it would hurt both of you much more than you’re willing to admit.)

That’s fine, though. You can keep getting serious, because it sounds like you’ve got a good thing going. Sure, 21 and 35 is a big age gap, but it’s one that can work, and it sounds like you two are equals where it counts.

Go for it. Fall in love together. Enjoy a non-monogamous, long-term relationship and then go have ten thousand of his babies.


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