Ok, so I have this Friend, who is 20 years older than me, and I’ve known him for a year, and we’ve always been cool. He has not once made a move on me or said anything to make me feel uncomfortable. I like hanging out with him because we laugh A LOT together.
Friday (3 days ago) we went out, to a bar and then a club, and drank and danced and i had an amazing night. There was no dirty dancing or flirting, just shameless jumping around to 80s metal. Anyway, we got back to my house at 5, I had set everything up for him to sleep in the livingroom, I said goodnight, went to my room and closed the door.
I mustve passed out because I don’t remember getting changed or anything, but I woke up because I felt him get into my bed. And then I know he was touching me. I moved his hand when it was crawling up under my shirt and two seconds later I could feel it on my hips and ass. I was too whaked out to really do anything about it tho.
And just let me quickly say that technically, I know i shouldn’t have drank so much, but that doesnt make it OK, he was meant to be my friend.
Since, I’ve tried to avoid him, but he keeps sending me messages and calls me, and he keps just ‘being around’ my area…he live almost an hour away from here!
Anyway, I haven’t been able to sleep and was cryign into my cereal at 3am on a saturday night and I’m really worried that everything’s falling apart again because I tend to get depressed everynow and then and it usually starts with not being able to sleep and I don’t dare to go to the doctors for any help because a) the last pills they gave me made me have really bad nosebleeds and b)they’ll ask why im depressed again. And i dont want to tell anyone.
Oh and I dont dare to sleep in my own bed either. I’ve been sleeping in my parents bed the oast few days, since that thing happened. It’s not that weird tho because they live in another country and they only sleep there when they visit.
but yeah…i dont know what to do. I’m terrified of getting sad again.
Um, yeah. I ran out of red flags while reading your letter.
You need to seek professional psychiatric help immediately, preferably from a new doctor whom you do not refer to as “they.”
Choose a new therapist who specializes in childhood trauma and can offer you some trauma-focused cognitive behavioral therapy.
You know damn well why I’m suggesting you to do this, and as much as it terrifies you, it is simply time for you to deal with it.
I am completely serious here.
This is bigger than the incident with your “Friend” (oh my god, you actually capitalized it), and if you don’t seek professional treatment I guarantee this will be a pattern of behavior that repeats itself for the rest of your life.
4 thoughts on “On getting some no-joke therapy.”
CQ I’m curious, how did you know this girl had childhood trauma?
Because there’s no way to triangulate the details of this girl’s letter back to a childhood that didn’t include significant, unprocessed trauma.
What was the significance of her capitalising ‘Friend’?
I can’t say personally, but just in case you check back, the significance of anyone capitalizing a word is as follows:
a) Are they competent in the language they’re speaking? If so, you might infer they’re conscious of the way that language is written to color a writer’s voice. If you could hear me, I might speak warmly of my husband/wife to indicate I do love them.
b) When we write, we invent rules to replace that voice. The question Coke answered was like your cluster-B friend introducing their new (20 year senior) boyfriend as ‘Daddy.’ With a black eye. That’s why she pointed it out.