On giving a basic douche-slap

I liked your response to “rate your own level of hotness”. Having given a similar response to similar questions, I must ask, when the inevitable poser of the question goes “aww, lighten up, little lady”, what do you say?

It’s always good to keep a cool “fuck off” chambered for infuriating moments like that, but if you wanna go the extra mile, try the following:

Step one: Smile at him. It will keep you from getting flustered, and for a brief second the condescending douchebag will think you’re actually lightening up.

Step two: Hit him hard and below the belt with a brutal and unexpected blow to his masculinity. Look him right in the eye and bruise his fucking ego. If nothing better comes to mind, you can always go with, “everyone in the room knows you have a tiny dick.”

Mean it. You’re not joking. He will be shocked. He’ll start to get really serious, and that’s when you finish him off.

Step three: Send his exact words right back into his smug fuck face. Mock him. Use the same tone of voice he used with you. Pour it on thick and say, “aww, lighten up, little lady.”

Boom. He’s been douche-slapped.


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