I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years now. He is extremely articulate, worldly, shares my strange sense of humor, love of illicit substances, outstandingly compatable tastes in literature/art/music, is an amazing artist on his way to grad school, kind and gentle, treats me like a princess, etc, and a well endowed, adorable Jewish boy. But he doesn’t know how to use it! Or his tongue. Or hands. I CAN NOT let this one go, out of the question, but how should I handle this?

This really isn’t a big deal. Man’s ability to adapt and learn is remarkable. All you have to do is train him. Use positive reinforcement, but give him explicit lessons in exactly how you want your lovin’.

Soften the initial blow by avoiding phrases like, “you don’t know what you’re doing.” Instead, give him a lot of not-his-fault style mantra such as, “no one ever taught you this.”

To protect his male ego, take on some of the blame yourself. After all, you’ve been with him for two years and you’ve never done anything about it until now.

Don’t be bashful. Don’t be apologetic. Demand he get it right. You can make it playful, but get him on a sex regimen where he doesn’t get gold stars unless you get orgasms.

Trust me, it’s worth the effort. In a few short months of increasingly pleasant exercises, you’ll have your very own customized lover boy.