On growing a pair

My fiancee just started to smoke opium just the other night. Before she could even finish telling me about it I found myself worried. I don’t know her reasons for wanting to smoke opium other then trying to escape her own reality. I love her beyond love if such a thing is possible. I will also tell you that she has been diagnosed with a bipolar disorder. When she gets mad she gets real mad, when she gets sad…well you get the idea. Such an emotional roller coaster but its coming to a point where I do not know if I can hold on anymore. She would undoubtedly say that I tell her what to do or try to control her life when i merely voice a concern. To her it feels like i am attacking her all the time. All this is taking its toll not just on me but on us. I am passive-aggressive. It does not help. I find myself just letting go of my concern and continue to watch her live a life that is unhealthy for her. I want her to get better, i need to know she can take care of herself. She once told me that i am the only person she can depend on. It meant a lot when she told and still does. I am scared though my role in the relationship is nothing more then that guy that is ok with anything and will continue to love her no matter what. Well, correction i will love her no matter what. The truth is that love can account for everything in a relationship that is supposed to be equal, swing both ways with the understanding that we would do anything for each other. I dont know what to do anymore. Sometimes things are great but there is always something that stops us from being truly happy. I feel like i am fighting fate. An idea of we are not meant to be together but we still try too. Its work so much work. I will talk to close friends about my thoughts and some agree that enough is enough. I feel like it is close. I am on the tipping point. On one hand i want to be there for her, to help her, to love her, to spend the rest of my life with her. On the other hand, quite honestly i feel like she will bring us both down. I am so forgiving that i feel like she is taking advantage of me. Even right now my love for her outweighs the want to break up with her. I want to take care of her.

I should also state that i live in NJ and she lives in MI. She is 21 and i am 26. I feel like we wont live together for sometime.

I just feel like she refuses to help herself. She has openly admitted she has a problem but refuses to do anything about it. She once told me that she would never change. I hope she does but i am starting to believe she wont. She may feel like its too hard for her. Though will always look for a way out. Bail on people and herself all the time. I thought i was helping her get out of the darkness but i feel like she is only slipping further into to it. Last night when i voice my concerned about her smoking opium was out of love and concern for her health. She told not be concerned and that she will take care of herself. I dont think she can.

I am not sure if any of this makes sense. I dont know what to do. All i know is that i dont want to lose her.

Love? Fuck that. You are in a codependent long distance relationship with a bipolar junkie who will fill your life with misery and chaos right up until the day that you cut her out of it.

This is not opinion or conjecture. This is brutal truth.

It sucks that you’re so in love, because it’s clouding your judgement. I’m sure everyone else in your world is biting their tongue wondering why you put up with all the crazy drama.

You’re also a classic enabler. When somebody says you’re the only person they can depend on, it’s a bad thing. Stop using childish language like, “I feel like I’m fighting fate,” and realize that all you’re doing is putting up with a soul-draining bitch out of some warped sense of obligation.

The long distance thing only makes it worse, because it allows you to idealize her. If you had to put up with her shit on a daily basis, you’d feel your soul draining much faster.

You want my advice? Fine.

End it now.

Unfortunately, you strike me as a bit of a douche. Not an asshole or anything. Just the kind of guy who listens to Creed, which means you probably don’t have the spine to do what needs to be done.

I don’t know. If you’re really on a tipping point, then maybe this advice from a stranger will finally tip you over.

Get the fuck out of the relationship now. Fall out of love later. Don’t worry, your balls will grow back.

Best of luck.


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