On helping a grieving friend.

my best friend’s girlfriend just passed away. she was a great person, everybody loved her. we’re all having a hard time dealing with it but he’s practically catatonic, which is understandable, but it’s been two months and he’s still in shock. is there any way possible to get him to at least get out of his apartment?

If he’s been holed up for two months, step one is to air the place out. Don’t surprise him with anything, but take the initiative and order a cleaning service to come in and scrub the apartment from top to bottom.

He’s gonna resist the cleaning. Tell him your mom ordered you to do this for him, neither of you have a choice in the matter, and that it has to happen.

Schedule it around noon and insist that he leave the apartment while they clean so that you can take him out to lunch. Be in public. Sit outside if you can. Talk about the weather. One or two beers, but no heavy drinking. Just the two of you.

He’s gonna try and pick up the tab for the cleaning service, but don’t let him. Instead, tell him to pay you back with tickets to an upcoming concert or sporting event. Insist that he go with you.

Don’t feel bad about manipulating his sense of obligation by insisting on his attendance. It’s the cleanest way of getting him off his ass.

At the same time, don’t use the word should. Don’t tell him how he should be feeling or what he should be doing.

This isn’t about moving on. It’s just about moving.


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