Best-Of Advice

On hitting on me

I kind of have a crush on you, and not just because my tumblr dashboard tells me I do. You seem like an interesting, confident, forthright woman of the sort I should be associating with more frequently, which leads me to two questions:

a) are you like this all the time, or does your online persona (with the benefit of anonymity) differ significantly from the person I might pass on the way to the bathroom at, I don’t know, Area or somewhere?

b) I need to start hanging around better women. I live in a city with a vast population of well educated, attractive women that outnumber their male counterparts by at least 2:1. Up to this point, I’ve relied on two tactics (if you can even call them that), dating friends of friends and sitting in bars waiting for girls to hit on me. Friends of friends is fine, I’ll keep that up, no complaints there. But strangers, interesting strangers, are tough if, as I said, they haven’t approached me. The thing is, girls come up to me just enough of the time to make me kinda lazy, and I’m somewhat shy anyway, so what I could really use from you is a pep talk, or even just an anecdote or two from situations where you were approached by somebody non-shitty and came away feeling something other than socially violated. Something along the lines of “they’re just as afraid of you as you are of them” but for girls instead of snakes.

much appreciated,
shy barfly

a) I am like this all the time. If you passed me on the way to the bathroom at Area, I would be at one of the long white tables in the far corner where they let you smoke. I would be high as a fucking kite and talking all kinds of shit to a chorus line of douchebags in bedazzled jeans and Affliction shirts. Oh, and it would be Thursday night in 2006.

b) Nobody approaches me unless I want them too. If someone forces their way into my personal space and refuses to leave, I fuck with them unmercifully. Trust me, I can crush a man’s ego with the exhale of a cigarette. You don’t need to worry about a girl like me ending up feeling socially violated.

Then again, that’s why you’ve got a crush.

Speaking on behalf of all interesting, confident, and forthright women, let me say how much we enjoy the respectful attention of an interesting, confident, and forthright man. It’s programmed into us. We love it, and if you can string a sentence together without telegraphing your shallow intentions to fuck us that very night, you’ve already bested most of the competition.

Based on your note, you already seem to know what you’re doing. You opened with a healthy compliment in a slightly clever and self-effacing tone. You followed up by expressing interest in me with an honest question that got me talking about myself.

Do that in a bar, and you’ve got my attention.

Go get ‘em, tiger!

(Was that pep-talky enough?)


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