Kale chips – like most foods baked, grilled, or fried in the right kind of oil – are actually delicious. If you don’t buy them at whole foods.

Are you fucking kidding me? Kale chips taste like the concentrated body odor of a thousand dreadlocked lesbian hummus farmers. You could fry kale chips in bacon grease, sprinkle them with powdered orgasms, and eat them while making eye contact with Ryan Gosling, and those revolting flakes of satan’s dandruff would still have the flavor profile of sun-dried dog shit.