At what point should you tell a nice girl that she is being cheated on?
A close male friend of mine has become a shittier and shittier person over the last couple of years. He’s religious- which would normally turn me away from befriending him in the first place- but has always open minded and outside the box enough to make an exception for. He has recently proposed to a very christian girl who has never(at 31 years old) had a boyfriend before. She knows absolutely nothing about men. No brothers, no non- religious experimental girlfriends, no exposure. She has NO idea what she’s up against, and completely believes that he is every bit as religious and virtuous as she is- because that is what he pretends to be in front of her. She’s completely sweet, entirely naive, fully in love with who she THINKS she’s marrying- and does not deserve to be hurt by the very first guy that she ever gets close to. After taking her virginity (BEFORE the wedding date, mind you) he promptly began an affair with a married, mormon coworker of ours(with children, mind you)…and has not only balled her all over town, but has had the indecency to actually take his fiance to watch this other woman’s choir performances. Religious hypocrisy at it’s absolute fucking best. Gross.
Now, HE was my original friend- not the sweet little fiance- so I suppose that the rule is that my loyalty stays with him. However, he has also recently stabbed ME in the back, having ruined my credit by missing payments on a loan that I took out for him (for an engagement ring for another fiance he previously and briefly had before this one). This guy has begun showing me and everyone else around him what bad news he is and frankly, I don’t want anything to do with him anymore- having been exposed to his foul mistreatment of the people nearest to him and the revolting charade of his so called religious values has become too much for me to put up with.
Here comes the question.
Is it enough for me to excuse myself from and refuse to be a part of his lies, ugliness and the entire disgusting situation… or is it my duty/responsibility to inform and warn this sweet, naive girl before she marries this selfish piece of shit? Is it any of my business?
The infidelity isn’t any of your business, but the loan sure as hell is.
You should definitely cut this guy out of your life, but not without first protecting yourself financially. He fucked up your credit once. You’re a fool if you think it won’t happen again. Let him know that you’re done being his cosigner, and insist that he repay the loan in full immediately.
If he gives you one ounce of shit, remind him how much you know about his infidelity. Make sure he knows that you’ll fuck up his whole world if he doesn’t pay off the loan.
If this seems too calculating for your tastes, I should remind you that if you expose his infidelity out of some misplaced sense of chivalry without first using it as leverage to protect your interests, he’ll stop making payments on that ring just to fuck with you. He’s that kind of asshole.
Your duty here is to yourself, not some bible-thumping babe in the woods.
Settle all business with this jerk and just move on.