On locking your door.

My roommatelandlord walked in on me masturbating…then ran out of the house in shock. She is extremely conservative; I know her religion forbids masturbation. I am terrified she will kick me out. I am a student in a new town with no place to go. I want to apologize to her but don’t know how to bring up the topic when she comes back or even what to say. I am really scared and embarrassed. Please help me…

Nope. Not gonna help. Just gonna laugh at your ridiculous situation.

I suggest you do the same.

Seriously, laugh it off. You have no reason to be scared or embarrassed. You’ve done nothing wrong. She’s the one who should apologize for acting like a lunatic, not you. 

She won’t kick you out, but I suggest you move anyways. You’re better off homeless than under the roof of that kind of crazy.

Oh, and here’s a tip. Next time you’re choosing where to live, pick a roommate who doesn’t believe in a sexually repressed imaginary man in the sky.


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