On long-distance relations

I’ve been together with my boyfriend for about 3 months, I guess not very long, but that’s just the way it is- it had been coming for a couple of months before we actually ‘got together’. Everything is great together, and I love him to bits. He’s not just my lover, but also my best friend, I can talk to him about anything, and I trust him.

The only problem is that in December, I’m moving to Victoria, and he’s going to Western Australia for a job. We’ve decided not to break up, but I’m semi sceptical about long-distance relationship, and was wondering what your view was about them. (Thanks!)

If you’re just in the mood for casual couplehood or if the separation from one another is indefinite, I don’t recommend trying the long distance thing.

If you’ve got something really special, and you’re intimate and open enough to forge ahead with a customized arrangement, then you’ve got a shot. Regardless, you both have to be strong enough for the special circumstances that will inevitably arise.

I say that because I’m in one now. It’s easy for me because I’m predisposed to not giving a fuck, but if you’re a traditionalist you’ll have a tough time going the distance.

To last more than a few months, you’ll need to adjust your notion of fidelity by allowing each other to engage in harmless flirtation and meaningless sex while away from one another.

It may seem crass, but most necessary evils are.

I’m not suggesting you each get a hall pass to fuck indiscriminately. More like a “get out of jail free” card for dealing with consequences to occasional urges.

He’s a guy, after all. Best friend or not, he’s got physical needs, and quite frankly so do you. Repressing those needs will lead to resentment which if ignored will ultimately cause the relationship to disintegrate.

Both time and distance are a factor here. The longer you two will be apart and the further you two are away from one another, the more relaxed the rules need to become.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but it also makes the heart grow the fuck up. Be prepared for a brutal learning experience, and if it doesn’t work, don’t be too hard on yourself.

Good luck.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *