I’m a new college kid, raised in the generation of instant gratification and cell phones and selfies. Yesterday I either lost my phone in the pit at a concert or I was pick pocketed. Either way, I may not have another one for a week.

No big deal right?

It’s not, but I catch myself finding it a bigger deal than it is. It’s my alarm clock, it’s every contact I have, shit I even have a “note” on there with my favorite quotes from you. I can’t take pictures, I can’t listen to music in public, I can’t text people (which is this inconveniently relieving feeling, if that makes sense). Can you explain why I feel like this and if it’s something I should change? I mean I have my social networks, but I also read books and listen to good music, I’m educated on current events, and go out when I can afford it. I guess I’m too complacent for my own good because I’ve never thought that I was as attached to my phone as everyone else, but clearly I am, and I feel like that’s indicative of either a weak personality or a boring personality or fuck, idk. I guess I want you to kick my ass for being just like everyone else, but I feel like I just shouldn’t give as much of a shit as I do about not having my phone for a week.

But at the same time, it’s like this weird breath of fresh air. I don’t make any fucking sense, even to myself. I apologize.

Instead of kicking your ass, I’m going to fuck with your head by giving you some homework.

Go back and rewrite every sentence in this question without using the words “I,” “me,” or “my.” You may write in second or third person, but you may not use the passive voice.

Replace every mention of your cell phone with the concept of ego identity. You may use the terms “ego,” “identity,” or “ego-identity.”

Send it to me so I can check your work. If you do this correctly, you should come to realize that even minor existential angst can reveal the underlying absurdity of the human condition.