I’m thinking of marrying myself. Like get the dress, find a venue, get an officiant and get fucking married to my damn self. The idea came from me (and my family) putting so much pressure on myself to getting married so I can finally have kids. It’s definitely taken a toll on my self-worth and I feel like I reek of desperation at this point. I’m 35, and my mom and younger sis constantly remind me of my biological clock. Did I mention my friends are all working on buying the 2nd property, or getting pregnant with their 3rd child?
I imagine marrying myself could be a symbolic gesture to commit to myself, listen more to my gut, and just shower myself with something nice for a change. Is this crazy? Am I going about this the wrong way? I know there’s a glaring blindspot here and my anxiety/ego is keeping me from seeing it.
Yes, this is crazy. It’s also a plot device from Season 6, Episode 9 of “Sex and the City,” so it’s not even that original. I bring up a seventeen year old TV reference to point out that behaving like Carrie “The Actual Villain” Bradshaw in the year of our lord 2020 is fucking insane and you should not do it.
If you think you reek of desperation now, just wait until you drop ten grand on a wedding-themed pity party that no one attends because people won’t even show up to a real wedding in the middle of a pandemic, much less a symbolic gesture of narcissism and sadness.
Tell your mother and younger sister to shut the fuck up about your biological clock. While you’re at it, tell yourself. Honestly, do you even want to have kids? Really? Really? I swear to god, every childfree 35 year old woman I know does this performative bullshit in front of her family while secretly thanking the ancient gods of fertility that she has been spared the trauma and decades-long waking nightmare of motherhood.
And as for marriage, grow the fuck up. It’s a ridiculous institution. You don’t need it. You especially don’t need a wedding. By all means, shower yourself with something nice, but a solo wedding isn’t nice. It’s gross and pathetic.