Please say something about that new Miley Cyrus video.
What? Seriously, why do I have to have an opinion about this? Is Miley Cyrus doing anything we haven’t already seen a half dozen times from Taylor Swift or Kesha? Am I supposed to be impressed that these bitches like to have slumber parties with their makeup artists?
Am I supposed to think it’s somehow scandalous for them to get in glitter-filled pillow fights with American Apparel models by the pool at some gay dude’s weekend house in Palm Springs? Please. That shit is ridiculous.
People are acting as if Miley spent the entire video sucking off the Jonas Brothers when all she really did was twerk a little and refuse to spit out her gum while doing what we can all agree was just a half-assed Rihanna impression. Honestly, I’ve seen episodes of Hannah Montana that were more controversial.
Whatever. As far as I’m concerned, the bar was set last year by M.I.A with her video for Bad Girls, and there’s not a pop princess alive who’s got the vision or the talent to come up with new shit that cool.