Fun-Sized Advice

On more fun sized advice

you’re buddhist! yay!
No, I’m not! Yay!

You’re like Dr. Phil with balls, brains and swagger.
You mean Oprah?

Do you ever think that you might just be a big fish in a little pond?
Who cares? I’m having way too much fun with this bicycle.

The peanut m&m bag I just ate was weird. I swear 90% of the m&m’s were blue. What does it mean?
Back away from the Costco sack of Viagra, Mr. Magoo.

How do I stop texting him. He ignores everything i write, but I cant stop!! Help!!!! I am so depressed and he was the only thing that made me happy.
What a shame. One more exclamation mark, and I would have told you the meaning of life.

Five days is too long to not call a girl after cuming on her face, right?
A classy guy like you? I doubt she’s counting.

How do you know what your calling is?
Dude, it’s a calling. If you have one, you’ll know.

Where is the instinct in the gut located?
It’s next to all the poop, silly.

Mr Big or Aiden?
Matthew Broderick.

your knowledge on litteracy is amazing.
Your misspelling of the word literacy is some Andy Kaufman level shit.

is it okay to be 19 and never been kissed? is it normal?
It’s far worse to have anxiety about whether it’s normal than it is to have never been kissed. Don’t worry, babe. Smooches will come. Fuck normal.

How do I get my friend to lose her virginity once and for all?
Insert a penis into her vagina.

I just had a hot sex with my toddler. What should I do?
Reevaluate your sense of humor.

You’re getting soft. Are you pregnant?
You’re getting presumptuous. Are you the father?

The real question is, can you cook?
My recipes got mad flava, yo.

What’s the difference between shy boys and reserved men?
A shy boy doesn’t know himself, but needs to know you. A reserved man knows himself, but doesn’t need to know you.


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