On submission

So in the bedroom, I am all for being held down, tied up, controlled, etc. I love it when it’s simply me and my boyfriend.

But the thing is, outside the bedroom, I am absolutely terrified of all of the above. I cringe when I think about being taken advantage of. Hell, I can’t stand to think of going to the gynecologist because even that scares me.

So basically, I don’t understand how I can fear something so scary, but lust for it in the bedroom…

You’re confusing submission and victimhood. Being sexually dominated is not the same thing as being sexually violated. For some reason, you’re failing to make that very obvious distinction.

Being held down, tied up, and controlled by your boyfriend are acts of intimacy made possible by the love and trust you share with him. He’s being dominant. You’re being submissive. It’s safe, consensual, and non-violent.

When you imagine being held down, tied up, or controlled in a context other than a loving relationship, it rightfully terrifies you because it’s no longer safe, it’s non-consensual, and it’s suddenly quite violent.

The shit that turns you on isn’t the same as the shit that freaks you out. You’re not fearing and lusting for the same thing at all.


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