Define Hipster.
Everyone who’s heard of the band called The Missing Footnote.*

How can I make more people respect my art?
Don’t suck.

What do you make of the New World Order conspiracies?
Fun.

What’s the difference between romantic and creepy? I can’t tell.
Not being able to tell.

Favorite country you’ve ever been to?
I’m standing in it.

Falling for your best friend: worth a shot or guaranteed to end badly?
Exactly.

I just put an ad for kinky sex on craigslist. I don’t know how I should feel about it.
About three years late to the party.

Does jealousy always imply feelings?
No. Jealousy always implies weakness.

Hope you’re enjoying working on your brand you pathetic sow.
Fuck yeah, I’m having a blast. Hope you enjoy being a hater.

Many of my friends have told me that you never really get over someone until you find someone else. Do you agree?
Many of your friends are codependent idiots. Do you agree?

What do you think about Kristin Davis for New York governor?
Please. She’s a reality show clown of a madam who got busted and started reading Ayn Rand in prison. Thing is, she’s smart. If the bitch would finish her masters thesis in something other than The Virtue of Selfishness and then lay off the collagen and peroxide, she might end up on cable news.