Fun-Sized Advice

On more fun-sized advice

She told me she is pregnant. I don’t really feel anything. I mean, I get it but … whatever. Shouldn’t I feel some emotions?
Don’t worry. You will.

I love my boyfriend but when he’s really drunk he’s kind of a dick to me. What do I do?
Don’t put up with it.

Is the Myers–Briggs personality test bullshit? It strikes me as a fancier way of asking people what their “sign” is.
Myers-Briggs is pop-psych candy, but technically it’s a psychometric instrument. It’s a blunt tool, and it’s totally subjective, but at least it actually measures something. (I’m not endorsing it. I’m just saying that it’s not as bad as astrology.)

Have you changed your mind about emojis yet?
Reluctantly, yes. I recognize their cultural and semiotic relevance. I’m still judgy about people who use them constantly and without wit, but I’ve come to accept emojis as part of our digital vocabulary.

I never want to be the type of person who doubts a woman’s word, but Farrah Abraham is such a duplicitous attention whore- can her accusation really be as authentic as Stoya, Joanna Angel, et al?
Yes.

I’m 22, I have 10k in my savings account and no debt. What should I do with it?
Not a goddamn thing. Save your fucking money. You’ll know when it’s time to spend it.

I’m starting to think that boys are pretty much the same everywhere and that none of them will ever be The One. Am I wrong?
Nope.

Do you want to get married someday?
I don’t care whether I get married, but I’d like to find a life partner or two.

I no longer enjoy your comments section. It’s the same couple of people talking the exact same shit.
Get in there and fuck some shit up.

Standard

58 thoughts on “On more fun-sized advice

    • PolicyChick says:

      I get the popularity, they’re easy – but that’s the same reason I don’t like or use them. I think they’re lazy. Write what you mean – don’t send me a crying/smiley face.

      • Anna says:

        But isn’t it more like a facial expression ? I am a person who smiles a lot (mostly bc I’m socially anxious and it helps me feel better and more confident), so I prefer to end texts with a smiley face rather than a full stop, when I begin or end a conversation with an acquaintance.
        It’s shorter than “I have mostly good feelings towards you and wish to communicate a sense of warmth”.

      • mue says:

        i use smiley faces and emojis a lot and i really can’t see aproblem with that. I never understood people who saw the need to limit their own possibilities of expression. I’m from Germany and there are a lot of people here that get a little pissed when people use english words in conversation for example. if the sense of communication is to transport information why shouldn’t you use the words, pictures or mimic that you feel transport the most meaning? If you want to transport a warm, friendly feeling like anna said for example why shouldn’t you send a smiley-face or a heart? It expresses exactly what you mean in a way that is much less stilted than a written profession of love. Sometimes it can be more important for people to communicate a feeling or the general tone of a conversation (when joking for example) than to transport factual information only. And this is when emojis and smilie-faces are the most usefull in my opinion.

        Excuse my english by the way, i’m not a native speaker :/

    • Anonymous Poster says:

      I tend to use them on Twitter for three purposes: indicating mood (thank God for the wide range of smiley-face emoji), indicating a post-type when publishing a link from Tumblr, or otherwise having a little fun.

      The thinking behind emoji is laudable—they allow us to better express ourselves in a way that is understandable across language barriers—and if they were better supported on modern desktop OS systems (I have to use a text expander with a trigger delimiter to use emoji on my system), we’d probably see more usage of them across the whole Internet.

      But until then, they’ll be a primarily social media thing.

      ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

    • Pan Ferris says:

      Putting aside standard signifier/signified analysis of what emojis are, (and by the way, fucking whatever, emojis are just another button on your iPhone, find something real to complain about), it’s pretty cool that the emoji catalogue is constantly expanding. Like an self-enhancing algorithm (or one adding to its linguistic reservoir, an emoji bank of sorts). Next thing you know, we have replaced entire thought phrases with emojis and we’re using contemporary hieroglyphics, and uh doy, linguistic systems are always in constant tension between logographic and alphabetic forms. It’s all about economy of language.

  1. Becky says:

    Strongly disagree on whether the Myers-Briggs is a legitimate psychometric instrument. It’s a terrible metric. Its test retest is only very slighty less unreliable than its specificity. It’s hot fucking garbage.

    Anybody who openly identifies a an INTJ is definitely also hot fucking garbage, though, so there’s that.

    Anyway, take the Big 5 if you wanna actually get some insight into yourself. It’s still pretty problematic, but it’s way better than the MB.

    • The Coquette says:

      You say hot garbage, I say pop-psych candy. Either way, at least it ain’t astrology. (And yeah, INTJ is definitely the fedora of personality types.)

        • Becky says:

          Trump is a full blown narcissist, if not actually antisocial. I dunno about Sanders. I’d assume high trait extraversion, since politician. His delightfully sloppy presentation suggests he isn’t super conscientious. Willingness to course correct after being challenged politically suggests higher than typical openness. I don’t have enough information to have a solid opinion on how agreeable he is. He’s pretty cantankerous, but I would not say he’s on the low end of that dimension. No idea about his trait neuroticism.

          The MB would probably give him an ENFJ or an ENTJ but it would be bullshit~~~

      • Dina says:

        Thoughts on infj? I consistently “score” as that and I’m curious what you think. I don’t take much stock in it but it’s still kind of fun.

      • Yana says:

        Famous INTJs include Hillary Clinton, Al Gore, Bill Gates, Dwight Eisenhower, Alan Greenspan, Ulysses S. Grant, Stephen Hawking, John Maynard Keynes, Ayn Rand, Isaac Asimov, Lewis Carroll, Cormac McCarthy, and Sir Isaac Newton.

        Lmao also Gandalf apparently

    • Rose says:

      The thing that bothers me about the Myers-Briggs is it seems to change based on how you’re feeling on any given day. I got ENFP when I took the test once, and today, a day after having some political debates with friends, I got ENTP (I guess they’re in the same “family?”) Makes me wonder what I’d get if I took the test on vacation, or after some big life event, or if you can willfully change your personality over time.

      • KK says:

        What you describe is the main critique about the test. The results are not reproducible, which makes it scientifically worthless.
        Meyer-Briggs is rejected in scientific psychology, but it’s used in coatching and business pop-psychology.

        It’s also cool to see how different Wikis describe it:
        The English page has almost no critique in the intro text, the German Wiki who generally tends to be more tolerant and esoteric describes it as bullshit within the first two sentences.
        Edit: Haha, the Dutch entry is even more critical: Myers and Briggs never had any education in psychology, Jung never tested it, there’s no academical research that supports it.

        • Rose says:

          I just re-took it, because I realized it said not to leave any neutral answers, and I got ENFP again. It could be more consistent than I thought, but I’m not exactly a good sample size. I guess it’s fun, if nothing else.

      • Richard says:

        My company uses what I think is called “Culture Index.” It seems pretty accurate and every so often they have us retake the test and the results are always exactly the same. I’ve taken it three times and gotten the exact same personality breakdown every time.

    • Anna says:

      I think psychology as a whole is not a good way of getting insight into one’s personality. It’s developed as a tool for a therapist to interact with a patient. For personal insight, I’d prefer philosophy.

      • Becky says:

        I think you have an outdated perspective on what constitutes psychology. Look into cognitive neuroscience if you’d like to update your education

        Which isn’t to disparage philosophy. I adore both fields, but they’re both independently useful in assessing the human condition and each have certain unique strengths in terms of what they assess

        • Anna says:

          No, I probably don’t know enough about psychology or cognitive neuroscience, which is why I’m hesitating between computational modeling of cognitive processes using modern functional imaging techniques and translational addictology for my phd.
          But please, next time, use less dismissive arguments, it might open a really interesting discussion.

          • Becky says:

            In my defense, it read like “I don’t believe in psychology” more than “I don’t think personality inventories are particularly useful”

            Although if you’re looking at addiction, isn’t there a lot of research using the big five plus impulsivity? Which… Is a pretty useful predictor?

          • Becky says:

            I won’t talk myself up past what I know. I did psychophysiology/cog behavioral in undergrad. But I’m not, you know, an expert

          • Becky says:

            Although the cog/behavior lab did focus on addiction and the psychophys lab focused on impulsivity so, y’know, my lens

    • a grouch says:

      That…is so true…

      You can make it say whatever personality type you want to be like, so I can be an INTJ every time. The Kiersey name for INTJ is ‘mastermind’

      *digs in closet, dons high-school fedora*

    • Rainbowpony says:

      I gotta second this. Coquette, what you say sounds like a quasi endorsement. You’re just plain wrong. Myers briggs is completely useless. No legit psychologist uses them. The fact the test is so widely used in business is a total scam.

        • Rainbowpony says:

          I’m sorry to beat a dead horse, but what you should have said is, “I’m no damn oracle, I don’t know everything about everything, and myers briggs fall in the category of things i don’t know much about. ” I mean, do what you want, but its starting to seem like some people around here will worship whatever you say. Which is so odd because it’s the antithesis of what I think you’d like people to do.

          … unless you keep answering questions authoritatively when you have none. Then I could see how that would happen.

          Also to the kid with 10k: put 1k of it in a vanguard retirement fund. Compound interest and all that.

  2. RocketGrunt says:

    It’s so fucking stupid to assume rape victims are lying. Every single victim of sexual assault knows that outing your attacker means it’s you against the world. We live in a society where rapists who brag about their crimes on viral video still have support and sympathy from the media and the general public. It doesn’t matter how much of a “duplicitous attention whore” a woman is; she’s not going to risk the inevitable hate and harassment that comes with accusing a man of rape unless he actually violated her.

  3. curious says:

    I’m with you on boys. I’ve started to notice a lot of the males in my life are self centered, selfish, and focused on their own emotions. Their interpersonal skills are shit because they just don’t pay attention to others unless it’s in their own benefit. Sure, they care about people, but only when it’s incentivized (e.g. they’re friend with that person, or want to be).

    To all the boys reading this: No, you’re not required to care about everyone in your life. You’re also not required to befriend everyone. But you should think about the space you take up and how your actions affect other people rather than just thinking about how other people’s actions affect you. And people are much more likely to like you if you’re paying attention to them rather than what they think of you.

    • Daisy says:

      I could say the same to a lot of people in my life of various genders. I think it has to do with the fact that most people I know are young and privileged like me, so mostly I just try to watch myself for the same behavior.

      • curious says:

        It’s in my experience that the more privileged you are, the less aware you are. White cisgender upper class males being the least self aware, of course.

    • shannon says:

      i was upset once that my boyfriend didn’t seem to care that i was feeling down on myself and having a bad day. ordinarily i would acknowledge that as my problem, but on that particular day i needed a little more support. he told me he couldn’t spend time with me because he had to make flyers for a show his band was playing and pick his friend up from the train. in retrospect, it was immature for me to be so distraught over this, but i texted my friend (who is also a man) to talk about it. my friend sent me a response that said “women throughout history have been taking care of men’s egos, while men can only seem to worry about themselves.” i took a screen shot of it and have it saved on my phone, just because it was nice to hear at least one man acknowledge this. men aren’t terrible, they just can’t deflate or set aside their egos as well as women can.

  4. PolicyChick says:

    I completely agree with the ‘Boy’ advice, especially in regards to the, “Will I ever find The One?” aspect of the question. I cringe when I hear that phrase.
    It’s emblematic of the traditional views of marriage (you have to have one, and only one, and it has to last forever or you are a failure.) And considering the billions of people on the planet, there’s only going to be ONE person you can love? Over a lifetime?
    Ugh. I think as a concept it is naive, damaging, and has a nice sprinkling of patriarchy on top.

  5. anna says:

    All boys are the same, they respond to the person you are. In fact, its not just boys its people. If you want people to treat you with respect, have some self respect. If you keep dating losers…. ask yourself what lesson is life trying to teach you?

  6. Perspectivator says:

    Fuck shit up yourself. You’re the one who makes the difference between after party and undergrad discussion group. Bring something to the party.

      • perspectivator says:

        I’m in for either one. I’m totally cool with people bringing real arguments or talking shit, but too often it devolves into bashing (semi guilty.) I can however relate to the posters general desire to spruce the place up a bit. If this was my party I’d insist that everyone do a shot or partake before opening their mouth.

        • hm says:

          In the party scenario, I usually end up talking shit, making jokes, smoking cigarettes outside. I like this metaphor. Let us rally–as long as we’re shooting whiskey.

      • Perspectivator says:

        I could read that. But I don’t see myself as a “shit talker.” I like to bring facts to my arguments and don’t tend to overgeneralize. So I can see how someone with an imprecise definition of “shit talking” would point a finger at me. But maybe my definition is at fault. I’ve always seen shit talking as taking a position of expertise on a subject without any supporting facts or plausibility. Bottom line, your point is taken.

        • Blackbeard says:

          Yes, but you do have to comment on every post and sub post. This place has become your chatroom. Guess there’s nothing wrong with it but I’m not sure that’s its intention.

  7. definitely not batman says:

    Years ago I decided to take the MBTI test once a year in order to check if it was bullshit since I’m really skeptical of anything trying to reduce the complexity of a human being into neat little boxes. However, I consistently scored as a certain type, which kinda frustrated me. Until the last three years, when I consistently scored as a different type. So it might actually measure something, though I have no idea what it could be. The shift did coincide with some serious changes in my life, though. In any case, it seems that whatever it measures is not something fixed or inherent to an individual, which is what a lot of people seem to think.

    • Becky says:

      A good personality inventory should measure fairly static traits, though. Ideal circumstances, it would give the same results every five years from childhood until death. Obviously, you know, people do change hugely in life. So that’s a total pipedream.

      I think people really just latch onto the MB because it gives them a sense of tribe.

      • definitely not batman says:

        Why would you even take that kind of a test when you’re in a mood? Of course that’s gonna skew the results, it’s like going grocery shopping when you’re hungry. I always come back home with some weird shit I never tried before because it looked like it might be delicious. I never eat any of it, it just sits there, judging me, mocking me.

        Wait, where was I

        Ah, yes, pickled herring-

    • bambi_beth says:

      Maybe they will invest half. Or whatever they save after it. Investing costs some money too, at the front or back end, and having some cash on hand is always a good idea. It’s up to the individual how much cash they are comfortable with.

  8. a grouch says:

    The Myers-Briggs is bullshit. Less bullshit than zodiac signs, because people are sorted based on actual personality characteristics, but it’s more of a business workshop tool, because everybody is sorted into different groups based on real traits that they have – but none of those categories really have bad traits, and you can say things like ‘maximizing productivity’. There’s no clinical relevance to the categories beyond general interest, people love being sorted into categories, you may as well use the Sorting Hat from Pottermore.

    • Light37 says:

      Jennifer Dziura once referred to the Meyers-Briggs as horoscopes for WASPs, and this seems pretty accurate. I’ve done the test several times and it always comes out different, depending on what mood I’m in that day.

  9. Skylar says:

    To the 22 year old with 10k and no debt, thank you’re lucky stars, do something smart with the cash (definitely don’t spend) and enjoy being in a better situation than most of us. Few people our age are without debt, let alone having that kind of cash in their pocket. Just be careful who you tell about it, people will be jealous.

  10. Kostya says:

    Honestly, I approve of emotes because they tend to tip off the person reading on the general emotions of the sender, which is helpful for those people suffering from social anxiety or just difficulties parsing intent through only a handful of text. But maybe it’s because most people my age are using emotes, and so I immediately associate texts without them (as in, texting, not as in articles) to be a lot more serious and cross than the sender intends. :)!

  11. Regina says:

    Hey, Myers–Briggs-question lady here. The Coquette’s response seems accurate. A personality quiz is mildly better than magic birth stars.

    I am not well versed in psychology. From some googling, I think Jung’s work is fascinating. Is anyone familiar with his study of human archetypes? Obviously, these are also invented categories, but are they a useful tool for understanding the human condition?

    The folklore index shows reoccurring characters. Is this very far off from Jung’s patterns?

    Another question writer mentioned all boys being the same, and then one of the comments mentioned all humans being the same. I agree.

  12. Ram dam says:

    I’ve always thought the MBTI was an interesting way to shed light on the different ways we process what we encounter, and to understand people I just never “got”. This doesn’t make it clinical or accurate. My sisters and I all have the same ‘type’ and we are wildly different people, but I “get” them and maybe it’s because we process stuff similarly?

  13. Alli says:

    If you are 22 with 10K and no debt, put it in an ETF or ROTH IRA (contribute over two years because there is $5500 limit per year). Take advantage of having saved at such a young age and let the power of compounding work its wonders. Or just spend it on travel. Or buy a rig and learn to skydive.

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