On more fun-sized advice

2016 was the year you died as my hero. I wouldn’t be surprised if you started being okay with banning words and inciting violence against conservatives. Still, we had some good times together. I’ll always cherish you for that. But for fuck’s sake, can you answer some fun questions like you used to?
I’d punch a thousand Nazis in the face before I’d ban a single word. As for fun questions, here you go:

Kill, Marry, Fuck: Donald Trump, Mike Pence, Steve Bannon
Kill Donald Trump. (Duh.) Fuck Mike Pence in a sex tape scandal so he’s forced to resign. Marry Steve Bannon and immediately take half his money in the divorce after he slaps me around on our wedding night.

Fuck, marry, kill: The bastard child of Andy Warhol and Edgar J. Hoover, Nikola Tesla, Farrah Fawcett.
Kill the Bastard Child of Andy Warhol and J. Edgar Hoover. (Because that sounds like a really cool movie.) Fuck Farrah Fawcett (Mainly for the alliteration.) Marry Nikola Tesla (I like ‘em smart.)

Fuck, marry, kill: Freud, Jung, Lacan. (I apologise: I’m *really* high.)
Kill Lacan. (I’d cut off his dick with a mirror.) Fuck Freud. (The sex would include oral, anal, and genital.) Marry Jung. (Mainly because I wanna be in a poly relationship with Emma Rauschenbach.)

Worst case scenario query: Would you rather have The Donald go down on you or eat Kellyanne Conway’s box?
Both at the same time, on camera, for the whole world to see as evidence at the impeachment. (Don’t ever say I’m not willing to sacrifice for my country.)

Do you support Calexit?
Fuck no. I’d let Texas go, but never California.

Are you a capitalist?
We’re all capitalists, darling. The best of us are merely reluctant and try to cram as much socialism in with it as possible.

But can Canadians do anything?
Stay cool and re-elect Justin.

I feel really lost without you at a time like this. I wish you could be our leader. Would you ever run for office?
I’m not the one who runs for office. I’m the one who gets fucked up with senators and congressmen and then changes their minds.

can my life get any lower than dropping out of art school
It’s not as bad as you think. Trust me. Go find your hustle, get shit done, and make your own way. Do that, and I promise that in ten years, “art school dropout” will carry a lot more weight than “art school graduate.”

I’ve just realized I’ve been writing my secrets in this little box since I was a teenager. That’s beautiful. I love you.
I have them all here. It is beautiful. Thank you.


52 thoughts on “On more fun-sized advice

  1. lastntot says:

    DO NOT GO TO ART SCHOOL. There is negative ROI. You will have to work many jobs that suck. The world of art school, ANY art school, exists only within the ivory tower. There is zero benefit in going to art school. I made that mistake and it cost over $25K. Don’t do it. You can learn art anywhere. Universities and colleges are making money off your tuition dollars; no institution should offer BFA’s or MFA’s because the world has changed and there are NO JOBS. Please listen and do not go, don’t let your friends go, don’t let your family go, do not go to fucking art school.

    • Strangely Rational says:

      My 13-year-old daughter has a natural gift for art and wants to do something with it as a job eventually. I’ve tried to strike the right balance between being supportive and realistic. One of the first things I did was discourage her from the idea of art school. She’s better off with formal education in some other field and studying/practicing art on her own.

      The big question is really this: how many jobs out there require an art degree? Basically only a professor at an art school, right?

      • Monochromicorn says:

        Design, advertising, architecture, social marketing, urban planning, event planning, teaching, therapy….

        There are so many fields that involve art or abut art.

      • Jodie H. says:

        Require? Probably not very many. The benefits of an art school, as far as I can see, would be the ability to hone craft under the tutelage of an expert, and to build connections/network. That being said, I minored in Art (general) in undergrad (state university) and now work in the worlds of both corporate marketing/graphic design and freelance.

        Personally, I would say the connections are the most important part. Wherever she goes from here, she needs to find her art community, and to double down on extra skills. I tend to be a Jill of All Trades, as a matter of survival — I also have a Masters in Poetry. And a cat. (Seriously, though – if you can art AND write? People will think you’re a witch, in a good way. Art + anything else = minds blown, somehow).

        For the longest time, I wanted to be a working artist because I didn’t believe I had much muse inside me. Now, I would rather be making my own art and working in a less creativity-zapping environment. It’s funny how things change. And by funny I mean inevitable.

        Good luck!

    • okokokok says:

      To each his own. $0 in debt and I’ll be graduating next year with an MFA. Absolutely no regrets, I fucking love teaching my students how to make something beautiful in this hellish-universe we’re living in.

      • Cuttlefish says:

        If you have either enough wealth or enough straight-up luck to allow you to graduate with $0 debt, then go for it! I would too! But for the (vast) majority of us that don’t have that option, an MFA is about as practical and realistic an investment as a diamond thong.

        • okokokok says:

          I completely agree (it was luck that I got into a tution/stipend supported program), but I’m also of the mindset that few (not just arts/humanities) advanced degrees are worth going into debt for.

    • Rose says:

      Just adding my two cents here: I went to one of the top art schools in the U.S. (not sure how that’s determined, to be honest), and while I have heaps of criticism, and even some resentment toward that particular school, I’m still not anti-art school. It largely depends on your major and the individual student, of course, but I graduated and almost immediately got a job in exactly the field I studied for, I’m slowly but steadily paying off my student loans, and I’m making it in the most expensive city in the country.

      Of course, many of the most successful artists I know forego art school altogether, but I know that there’s no way in fuck 17-year-old me would have been able to. I simply wasn’t disciplined, mature, smart, or even socially intelligent enough at that age to take that on. Some people are. Some people simply can’t take on hefty student loans (I was lucky to be poor enough to get decent financial aid). There are so many good reasons not to go, and it’s absolutely not a necessity, but I don’t think it should be discounted completely. There are many people, like me, who can benefit enormously from it.

      • Chris says:

        I want to add to this art school discussion as a graduate of art school myself: It’s what you make of it. It is not the end-all be-all of success in your field.

        I know plenty of people that had lots of success in school, got great grades, lots of adoration from their departments, and went on to do jack shit. I know people that dropped out two years in that are already more successful than some of the professors.

        Art school can be a very helpful environment. The connections it affords you are invaluable. But what’s most important is whether you’re willing to put in the work towards improving, educating yourself on art, networking, and hustling. That’s something they don’t teach at school because it’s a lesson you have to learn yourself, and it’s worth way more than an overpriced degree.

        • Rose says:

          Yes, well put. I guess the simplest way to say it is go if you want to, but not because you think you have to.

          In spite of everything, I’m glad I went for many reasons- a major one being the environment. I’ll never again be able to take four years out of my life to just learn and be surrounded by other people of the same age who are exploring this stuff for the first time too. Plus, I was a socially anxious small town kid, I was almost a straight C student, our school’s art program was terrible, and I’d never held a job. At 17 I was barely a human yet. In college I lived in the middle of a major city, had to work hard for the first time in my life, and I learned to balance making decent grades with work study, internships, and having a real social life.

          If, however, you’re self-motivated enough to hold down a day job while working on a portfolio at night, by all means, do that.

  2. rollertrain says:

    ^^^!!! Art school is a scam. Don’t fall for it. You’ll be stuck in student loans for the rest of your natural life.

    • WhoAmI says:

      He was just as much pseudosciency than Freud, if not more, and probably on purpose for the most part. At least Freud looks like he was genuinely trying to help (also must have been a cool guy).

      • Karen in Montreal says:

        Plus Lacan came sooooo much later; Freud’s moments of stupidity were mostly the result of being of his time. Lacan should have known better, but got caught up in his own ‘brilliance’ – if deliberately making it hard to figure out what the fuck you were trying to say can be seen as brilliance – but I guess it can, in France, especially …. Well, that’s not quite fair, Lacan did have a couple of cool ideas, but then it looks like the narcissism caught up with him.

  3. James says:

    “Don’t ever say I’m not willing to sacrifice for my country”

    Holy shit I’ve missed this.

    I understand the necessity and the imperative behind the very serious tone lately but fuck me it feels good to laugh with you again.

  4. The Derpy Bear says:

    Canadian here. HARD PASS on re-electing Justin Trudeau. He is just a wolf in sheep’s clothing. Most of what he has done is just lip service and is backing out if important promises (most importantly electoral reform)

    We are going to get stuck with the fuckwad conservatives again next election year because my fellow Canadians don’t want to give a party other than the Cons or Liberals a chance.

    • Karen in Montreal says:

      I’d still rather see Justin re-elected than any of the current Conservative candidates. Living under Harper was a nightmare! I do wish we could get beyond the two parties, though. I’m in Quebec, and having to alternate between living with the increasingly-xenophobic Parti Quebecois and the incredibly corrupt provincial Liberals nearly kills me!

      • The Derpy Bear says:

        Oh me too, Karen! What if O’Leary becomes the leader of the Cons. I do not want him as a leader of our country!

    • Canada says:

      Yeah, electoral reform gone, the pipelines approved, indigenous funds delayed till the 2020s, and the MMIW inquiry turned over to MRAs… I’m with you, Derpy Bear, Trudeau is out. My money is on a conservative minority with Michael Chong as Prime Minister. But I’ve been wrong before. XD

  5. Strangely Rational says:

    “can my life get any lower than dropping out of art school”

    Nope. It’s definitely worse than about anything else that could happen to you: developing a chronic or terminal illness with no access to decent healthcare, suffering from racism, being unable to get yourself and your family out of a war-torn part of the world, being sexually assaulted, living in poverty or becoming homeless, having your spouse or child die, being falsely imprisoned, watching your house burn down, or being kicked out by your parents at age 16 because you just came out as gay.

    Seriously, you need to get a grip and recognize how wildly privileged you are even to have been able to go to art school in the first place. You dropped out. So what? I promise you that nobody gives a shit. Find something else to study or get a job. Go volunteer for an organization in which you’ll be able to recognize how low life can really go for people – many of whom are somehow able to remain grateful and positive in spite of it – and gain some desperately needed perspective.

    That’s not to say you’re not allowed to feel bad about this. Of course you are. You just need to understand how minor a setback it is in the grand scheme of things.

    And here’s a tip from someone who’s been there: it’s best to refrain from wondering how your life could possibly get any worse. In my experience, that’s precisely when the universe gets creative in showing you exactly how.

    • ??? says:

      can we please quit it with this privilege bullshit? of course OP’s life could go worse; anyone’s life can get worse at any time. but framing it in the context of “you are so privileged to go to art school,” does nothing but make you sound stupid. in the context of OP’s life, this is likely very devastating. why can’t we just allow OP feel that devastation without bringing something totally irrelevant into the conversation, such as racism. it would be far more productive to encourage OP to consider how they got to this place in their life, what they could have done better in retrospect, and having learned from that, what the smartest move would be going forward. and of course, allowing them to mope. just because their life is relatively easy compared to others does not exclude them from having a bit of a mope when everything turns to shit in the context of their life. suffering is relative to the overall context of one’s life. everyone can and should be allowed to feel sadness within that context without idiots saying “oh but some people experience racism, so why are you so sad?” have some fucking sympathy people and stop making it a competition of who deserves to feel sad and who doesn’t. nothing about OP’s comment implies that they don’t have sympathy for people who have it worse; feeling sorry for oneself and having sympathy for other people in different shitty situations are not mutually exclusive. suggesting that OP volunteer to get a grip on “how good they have it,” is hardly useful in helping OP make a realisitic plan to put their life back together. they’re going to realise this is just a “minor setback” when they’re allowed to completely feel their feelings without judgement and then make a reasonable plan to move forward based on their reflections. also, the universe doesn’t give a shit about you or OP. i have no doubt you’ve had your share of bad luck, but it’s not because some nebulous cosmic set of scales decided to pick on you. OP having a mope before sitting down and making a rational plan for getting on with life isn’t going to inspire this “universe” to strike them down with cancer or whatever other horror you want to envision because you somehow seem to feel OP doesn’t deserve to feel sad because cancer and racism exist.

      • Q says:

        I second Strangely Rational. Sure, kid’s got a right to feel down for a bit, which SR says in their response. but when you start throwing around phrases like “could life get any lower?” you deserve a fucking reality check, if for no other reason than that saying that shit out loud makes you sound like an asshole. OP is likely 21 or younger, relatively privileged (which is always relevant) and honestly believes this is one of the worst things that can happen to a person. A little perspective never hurt anyone.

      • Q says:

        I’m with Strangely Rational on this. Sure, kid’s got a right to feel down, which SR says in their response. But when you start throwing around phrases like “can life get any lower?” you deserve a fucking reality check, if for no other reason than that saying that shit out loud makes you sound like an asshole. OP is likely 21 or younger, relatively privileged (which is always relevant) and honestly believes this is one of the worst things that can happen to a person. A little perspective never hurt anyone.

      • WhoAmI says:

        Thinking dropping out from art school, in the US, is the end of the world ; that’s coming from a place of privilege. Why are you so angry with the word ? Are you one of those insta rich kids who have 10 rolex watches and people are calling you out on that ? No ? Get a grip then.

      • Cuttlefish says:

        I think you missed the point? I don’t think Strangely Rational was trying to scold OP for feeling bad “because privilege,” but was rather suggesting OP step back and put their situation in perspective.

        I felt like I couldn’t get any lower when I dropped out of law school, and part of what helped me crawl back out of a pit of depression and self-disgust was actively getting involved in helping folks who were suffering, and getting over myself enough to put my situation in perspective and figure out what I really wanted. Things were brutal for awhile (I worked as a barista at first, serving coffee to my former classmates, some of whom were openly judgmental), but I got my shit together, figured out a career path that fit, and now, nearly a decade later, I run a housing program for homeless youth that I co-created, and I signed on with a boutique publisher and write novels under a pen name on the side. I fucking love my life, in a way I don’t think I could have if I had become a lawyer.

        I never would have found my way here without falling on my ass, facing complete and utter humiliation, and realizing that I was still OK, and that as horrible a failure as I initially believed myself to be, I had so much more going in my favor than I initially realized. Not only that, but fear of failure and humiliation don’t have any power over me anymore, which is insanely liberating. Also, acknowledging privilege–not as a guilt trip but as a reality check–and then using that acknowledgment to DO something–feels a hell of a lot better than wallowing in self-pity. I speak from experience.

        I agree that it’s obnoxious when a person’s genuine pain is dismissed because of their perceived privilege, but this wasn’t that imo.

    • Kelly says:

      I’d like to point out that you don’t know if OP actually has experienced any of the worse things you mention. Maybe OP does experience racism or has been sexually assaulted or has had someone very close to them die. In which case you haven’t told OP “be glad at how privileged you are”, but more along the lines of, “oh suck it up and think of all the worse shit you’ve gone through”.

    • dskflk says:

      How do you know OP isnt a chronically ill queer WOC that got sexually assaulted and had to drop out because depression/chronic illness (people like that exist)? You don’t. I’m not saying they are, because I don’t know either, and it’s none of my business, but you could’ve done without that intro paragraph. I know a lot of people associate art school with pretentious white middle-class gits, but that’s hardly literally every art student ever.
      OP’s dream just died. It’s okay to have a mourning period, you just gotta make sure it’s not self-pity or malaise or detrimental to OP. Coke once said ‘the dream is dead, long live the dream’ and I vibe with that. OP, it’s not the end of the world, dust yourself off and pick up a new dream to chase.

      • Cuttlefish says:

        True, but if OP was a chronically ill queer WOC that got sexually assaulted and had to drop out because depression/chronic illness, how likely would they be to write in and ask “can my life get any lower than dropping out of law school?” I mean, it’s definitely possible, but for someone with that kind of perspective, I don’t think it’s probable.

        • Monochromicorn says:

          Maybe likely. Chronically ill WOC have dreams too. Sometimes those things go together. Sometimes we want to fight the system and our own personal demons through law or art.

          The dream is dead. Long live the dream.

          • Cuttlefish says:

            I certainly didn’t imply we don’t have dreams. But I do have doubts about how much shit a person has been through if they think dropping out of art school is as low as life gets.

  6. fallfallslow says:

    i just did coke for the first time recently and oooh how i was reminiscent for some old school coquette, advice, along the lines “am i doing this right?”

    glad to see you around and okay <3

  7. Angie says:

    We can’t get rid of Texas. (They’d go, they’d HAPPILY go). If we lose Texas, it’s the west coast and northeast alone to support Trump country. Texas is gonna secede some day. They’re gonna thrive, and the rest of the country is gonna fall apart b/c we won’t tolerate those other bullshit states without those Texas trillions.

  8. Confused says:

    How about instead of capitalism/socialism you look at human rights and how they relate to the public policy of a ‘living wage’. Very relevant going into a period of human development where robots will be doing most of the work.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *