Fun-Sized Advice

On more fun-sized advice

My ex is dating a model who is so thin, she is absolutely anorexic. It’s so apparent, it made me gasp. I’m slim thick and he loved my body to the point of idealizing it at times. What?
The easy answer to your question is that your ex idealizes whatever body type he’s currently fucking. The difficult answer to your question is that you should stop comparing your body to other women, especially women your ex is fucking, and even more especially models.

I got ghosted. I invited him to come over, he said sure. The night approached. He never texted. I didn’t either. It’s always what happens. I spot the ghosting coming so I don’t say anything and therefore only get half ghosted. Am I being smart?
You got what you wanted. That’s what you need to start admitting to yourself. This pattern serves a purpose for you. You get a tiny jolt of excitement from the initial connection, and you get just as much pleasure when the plans fall through. Your needs are getting met. If they weren’t, you’d behave differently. The question now is to discover why you’re satisfied with so little.

I think I’m working for an actual (corporate) psychopath. How do I navigate this situation if I want to stay with this company and advance my career?
Well, you’ve spotted the predator. That’s important. At the very least, it means you aren’t the weakest gazelle. Stay alert and don’t allow yourself to become prey. Be useful and unobtrusive. Do your job well, but do not seek praise. Avoid interaction to whatever degree possible. I don’t know what you do or how your company is structured, but you would be wise to get clear of this psychopath’s range of authority as soon as possible.

If I’m so supposedly liberal and accepting, why do I hate the idea of Burning Man? I’m not sure if “capitalism” is the right answer. What if the answer is “don’t touch me”?
You can be liberal and accepting and still have personal preferences. The point is to live and let live. The whole “let live” part of that is being cool with other people doing their thing even if you hate the idea. As for why you hate the idea of Burning Man, the reason is envy. You see those people as a bunch of insufferable assholes, but you also see that they have something special, and you want to have something special too. You just haven’t found your special thing yet. Once you do, you won’t hate the idea of Burning Man anymore. You’ll just think it’s silly.

Why have I been losing feelings for men after I sleep with them?
Those feelings you’ve been losing weren’t really for the men. They were for you. In other words, right now you’re only in it for the chase. For whatever reason, you’re not emotionally available beyond the initial phase of the courtship ritual. It’s up to you to figure out why.

Do you still like coke? I’d love it if we were cycle twins on being over coke. It’s how I’d want my imaginary friendship with you to progress.
I can’t remember the last time I blew a rail. It’s a social drug, after all, and the people who did cocaine in LA a decade ago were a lot more interesting than the people who do cocaine in my current city today. (I had to check myself with this answer. Was my LA crew really more interesting, or was I just a lot younger and less discerning? Honest assessment: both.)


14 thoughts on “On more fun-sized advice

  1. Kate says:

    Interesting answer to the ghosting question. What *is* a good response to ghosting that allows one to break the cycle? I suppose it depends on how long I have interacted with the person in question…if it is a first or second date, then not responding is a fine approach I think, dodged a bullet, no harm done…I personally value manners too much to do that to another person and will at least text to say I am canceling…but I do sometimes get overly annoyed at people’s lack of courtesy& my own shame at having not been able to spot a rude asshole prior to them being rude to me.

    • KarenE says:

      The reality is, we can’t spot a rude asshole until they do something rude or asshole-ish.

      We’d all like to avoid them, but it’s an illusion that we can. (I also believe it’s an illusion that certain people attract the rude assholes. I think we all do; those certain people just don’t recognize and discard fast enough. And it’s totally worth figuring out why that is.)

      The most important thing is to keep our eyes open as we get to know someone. All too often we have initial good impressions, or are infatuated, or see that the person talks a good game, then stop observing how they BEHAVE, or worse yet, make excuses for bad behaviour.

      Also, if they are rude or an asshole to ANYBODY, your turn is not far behind. So watch how people treat the restaurant server, the parking attendant, their siblings, how they talk about their ex….. Good early warning system.

  2. lolitsjesus says:

    Maybe it’s just from your initial branding (after all, Vyvanse lines are better IMO), but it’s always been a pipe dream to do coke with you, CQ. You have a devoted reader if you’re ever in DC.
    (It would also be great/potentially very weird to have a Coketalk readers meetup. Wasn’t there mention of this awhile back?)

  3. Gluten Free Toaster Waffles says:

    The Burning Man answer is probably true. I’m not into that sort of thing. It sounds exhausting. About 5% of me wishes I was the sort of person who liked things like Burning Man, but that is probably a proper subset of the 8% that wants to be in a band and play at clubs.

    • Chris says:

      She’s not holding people accountable, for one, but may also be vague.

      “Dude, you said you’d be here.”
      “You LITERALLY said ‘come or don’t. whatevs.'”
      “We made plans.”
      “Did we?”

      • Hihi says:

        OP’s response is off. They’ve been ghosted so many times they describe it as ‘always’ and yet they continue to recreate a pattern of actively choosing not to hold these dudes accountable or even, y’know, protesting about this shitty behaviour. They then feel some meagre sense of pride for making the best of a shitty, inevitable outcome. Except the outcome isn’t inevitable and OP’s thinking doesn’t seem to come from a healthy source. It’s all in the ‘only get half ghosted’ and ‘am I being smart?’ No, dude, you’re watching the phone and thinking that they win if you send a ‘u coming?’ text. You’re thinking it’s smart to accept this douchebag behaviour rather than demanding more.

  4. dietcock says:

    I feel you so hard on the “no rails since the ’00s” thing. And also on the “maybe my former party mates weren’t as interesting as I thought while I was younger and gakked out to the gills” thing. xo

  5. Ben says:

    It’s really shitty when people call skinny people who they know nothing about anorexic. Especially when they say that about someone whose job it is to be a specific shape to fit specific clothes. There are definitely anorexic models out there, but there are also plenty of other models who are just very careful with their diet and exercise because they’re professionals doing a job.

    We don’t say football players/wrestlers/boxers have eating disorders even though they often gain/lose huge amounts in the space of a few weeks.

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