Fun-Sized Advice

On more fun-sized advice

What is God?
Deus Sive Natura

How is it possible that my dumbass is dating the most wonderfully kind, intelligent and simply gorgeous woman in the whole world?
You’re sweet. Don’t fuck it up.

If you, um, felt the need to look into acquiring a dual citizenship somewhere, what country would you choose?

I know weight-loss surgery is a valid option. I know people can fix their lives with this. I know it would greatly improve my health. Why does it feel like cheating? Like I couldn’t do it with exercise and a balanced diet.
It’s not cheating. You’re still gonna do it with exercise and a balanced diet.

I’ve written to you countless times about real shit in my life. Stuff that you probably can’t even come close to relating to in your frivolous, smug, faux-party-girl existence of yours. And the only responses I’ve ever received from you have been needlessly vicious and petty attacks on my character. You’re honestly such a cunt.
Gee. I wonder why I attacked your character?

How do I tell someone or explain “You’re a wonderful friend but I don’t want your creative input or assistance, ever.” Under normal circumstances I don’t mind just listening and ignoring it but they constantly want to collaborate and I absolutely do not want to do that.
I think you’ve chosen a lovely set of words to use. By all means, use them. Set your boundaries with kindness and compassion, and remember that you are not responsible for this person’s feelings.

My cousin’s new husband is an idiot dirtbag racist (“all Muslims should be exterminated” levels). He’s also applying to the Secret Service and has asked me for my full name and SSN (I was born on a military base overseas and apparently he needs that info?). I A) DO NOT want to give it to him and B) DO NOT want this guy serving in the Secret Service (though he is dumb as shit; an assassination attempt on 45 might actually go through). Do I flat out refuse, possibly instigating a family war? Do I report his racism (documented online) to the Secret Service? Do I just comply and wait for his inevitable failure? I feel gross and uncomfortable and stressed already. Coke, what would you do?
Yeah, this is an easy one. Tell him to go fuck himself, and when the feds come to interview you for his background check, spill the tea and show receipts.

I wrote to you in 2012 panicking about climate change and you said “calm down, Chicken Little.” It’s strangely comforting to see that on Twitter now, you’re on the same page about the climate being fucked and the future being bleak. Your writing has helped me come to terms with the fact that I’m not having kids. I do dearly hope to get to be an old woman someday, though.
I think the not-so-distant future on this planet will be unimaginably horrible and then potentially really interesting. The climate will change. Our species will adapt. Humanity will survive, but there will be about five to seven billion fewer of us over the course of about a hundred years starting about a hundred years from now. I just hope we retain science and knowledge and don’t fall into another dark age. I prefer to live this current life of relative comfort and ease, but I still think it would be kinda cool to skip to the other side of the impending extinction event just to see how it all turns out.

I know weed did/does make you paranoid. Is that still a thing, or do you smoke more now?
I’ve gone the way of the THC vape pen. Clean, easy, and a consistently good high.

Do you consider what you do here “emotional labor”?
This is how I relax.


24 thoughts on “On more fun-sized advice

  1. Anonycat says:

    I really hope the OP writing about the cousin’s husband applying for the secret service updates us about how it all plays out.

  2. Pound says:

    I’m surprised to see you reference Spinoza. I gathered from previous posts that you view religion as inherently dangerous and divisive. And Spinoza had a more lenient view of it, even considering it a useful fiction that leads to a harmonious society. Seems like Sam Harris and Spinoza would be at odds with each other.

      • Pound says:

        I’m no expert on either, but the theme of End of Faith seemed to be that religion was the ultimate catalyst for many injustices/evil in the world, and therefore something that should be eliminated. Spinoza, on the other hand, seemed to believe that religion and liberty are “mutually reinforcing”. I think they would agree on the nature of morality and the illusion of free will, but not sure that they would agree on the merit of organized religion. I’m curious to know what you think, as it is something I wrestle with. Can religion ever just be an effective coping tool?

  3. Chris says:

    Yup, had a neighbor who thought the surgery was an alternative to losing weight the other way. She got very sick in the process, and her body looked gross.
    Also, she only had about 40 lbs to lose.

  4. My name here says:

    Canada seems to be fairly racist and xenophobic itself, though, doesn’t it? Like, Trudeau is great, in some ways, but there are big pockets of white nationalism growing up there as well, aren’t there?

    What do you think about Portugal? A friend of mine is planning a move there and is trying to talk me into going with him. I still have to research it, but he says they’ve had recent enough contact with fascism that they’re likely to be inoculated against it for quite some time yet. What do you think?

    • flblbl says:

      Portugal leans more towards socialism than any other country of Western Europe, and Lisbon is still one of the cheapest capitals around, but lots of wealthy foreigners have been moving in for several years and the prices have been rising and the city gentrifyin’ ; kind of a Berlin-like situation.
      But yes living anywhere in Portugal is a pretty safe bet agains fascism ; Salazar was kicked out by a socialist military coup and Portugal has been ruled by socdems (the current prime minister was at the head of the socialist international for a couple years, heyo) and the center-right (like the current president) for a while now. it’s probably the tamest, safest country of its area ; besides the EEC trying to fuck them up of course (but they’re doing fine).

      • My name here says:

        I really appreciate the response! Even thinking of moving to another country still has me kind of flabbergasted. Thank you.

        Fuck gentrification. Double fuck the fact that if I move there I’m likely to be a much bigger part of the problem than I wanna be.

        • Kid Dynomite says:

          Blah. Move there, don’t. Your actions in the community, like if you can create a job or two, or mentor a youth or two, will make a bigger difference than if you buy overpriced beer while sitting at an outdoor table, which you don’t have to do (support the service industry jobs that your neighbors now have).

          When I hear someone say ‘my grandmother was raised here, and now I have to leave,’ I also hear that they had at least 3 generations to make something of the place, but just let it fester.

  5. O says:

    Could you give a few more details on how you think the climate scenario will play out? I’ve been trying to put the pieces together from various sources I trust, but I haven’t been able to gather much more than “shit will start to get bad in about 20 years and maybe never get better.”

  6. Danni says:

    I’ve written to you countless times about real shit in my life. Stuff that you probably can’t even come close to relating to in your frivolous, smug, faux-party-girl existence of yours. And the only responses I’ve ever received from you have been needlessly vicious and petty attacks on my character. You’re honestly such a cunt.

    Gurl, lemme introduce ya to this concept called a therapist/counselling. To expect someone online to be a therapist for free is just lazy. Find a shrink, pay them for their labour and work on your issues.

    • Robert says:


      Why not try posting here. Maybe CQ just isn’t up for what you’re asking. But the community might be of some help.

      For example, I can help you already. You said: “To expect someone online to be a therapist for free is just lazy. Find a shrink, pay them for their labour and work on your issues” after saying the first thing.

      Perhaps your advice is the best advice on this one.

  7. Alex says:

    I’ve read that people who have weight loss surgery are more likely to keep the weight off long term than people who do it with diet and exercise alone. Good luck with your decision! Try not to be pressured with external factors and just decide what is best for you!

  8. Lit says:

    I hate the “it’ll get worse before it gets better” mentality if it means 5 to 7 billion people are going to die unnecessary or premature or somebody-help-me-I’m-going-to-cry violent deaths over the next decades or centuries. That amount of suffering at our current level of progress makes me doubt the human experiment was ever worth it. Thinking about billions of children dying fries my brain. I have to think we still have a shot at preventing climate change related deaths, the extent to which we have been pretty good at preventing disease and reducing child and maternal death rates at a global level in the past 50 gives me some hope.

    • flblbl says:

      it’s an especially heinous mentally when you realize you can predict who those 5 to 7 billion people will be… and even more so, who won’t be part of them

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