Fun-Sized Advice

On more fun-sized advice.

Dear Coquette,

How do I tell if I actually want to work in show business or if it’s just a fantasy resulting from being part of a culture that has been over-saturated with entertainment?
The fact that you can’t narrow your goals down to anything more specific than “work in show business” is evidence that you’re easily distracted by shiny objects.


I’ve been dating a certain person for two years and it’s gotten boring. Now we’re long-distance and I want to end it. Do it now or wait till I return?

If you’re sure, then get it done now. It’s cowardly to string people along.


The more I learn about the world, the more depressed I get.

Don’t confuse watching the news for learning about the world.


How does one outshine the hottest girl at a party?

Laser tits.


I wonder if he still thinks about me.

Every once in a while, during masturbation.


I don’t get it. Do video games suck his dick? I don’t think so.

You’re vastly underestimating how much video games stimulate the pleasure center of his brain. You’re also overestimating how much your blowjobs actually do stimulate it.


Where’s the revolution?

At the moment, it’s in Syria.


Should women be included in the draft?

Absolutely. Should there ever be a draft in the first place? Absolutely not.


My boyfriend of over a year just told me he’s fairly sure he’s bisexual. I have no idea what to say but “me too.” How does this work from here?

It works however you both want it to work. Talk it out. Do whatever you like. If you’re both into each other, where you fall on the Kinsey Scale doesn’t have to be that big a deal.


Should I follow my instincts, or play games?

Shut up and get back to work.


Do you think it’s a good idea for me to take a year off after graduating high school in two years?

A year off from what, exactly?


Do you believe two people can be happy together forever?

If by “happy together” you mean pair-bonded, and if by “forever” you mean until one of them dies, then yes, it’s technically possible.


Hey, do you have any good nonfiction book recommendations? I’m in the mood to alter my perspective.

Right on, dude. Go read The Ego Tunnel by Thomas Metzinger, and Trading Up by Michael Silverstein and Neil Fiske. They’re both brilliant, and they’ll change how you see the world.

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