When you are ready, will you share with us what happened with the last guy you were seeing? So sorry to be nosy, but I care for you, I’m curious and I feel like I could learn from it.
I still don’t know what happened. Not really. I thought that for the first time in my life I had found a human being worth making my actual husband. We were one of those disgustingly happy couples from day one. We were a team, and we made it look easy.
We traveled the world together. We moved in together. We started planning our lives together. There was a ring. We saved a date and picked a wedding venue. Things between us were wonderful for a solid year, and then suddenly they weren’t.
It was him, not me. He just fell out of love. Hard. In a matter of weeks, his feelings for me changed, and I still don’t know how or why. In the final days, I knew something was wrong, and I tried talking to him, but he was reassuring and highly skilled at avoiding conflict. In other words, he was very good at lying to my face about his feelings and intentions.
The end came without warning. He simply moved out one afternoon while I was at work. He conspired for weeks to end the relationship while resisting even one single conversation about his change of heart, and he gave me literally one hour’s notice before the moving truck arrived.
The last time I saw him, it was as if I was speaking with a stranger. He was all business, zero compassion. His ability to cut off his emotions so completely kind of scared me a little, and we have not spoken since the breakup.
Of course, I miss him, but the person I miss no longer exists if he ever existed in the first place. The person capable of that level of conspiracy and emotional cutoff is not the same person I thought I loved, and the manner in which he ended the relationship precludes any possibility that I might let him back into my life.
I recently learned that he left his previous ex in a similar manner, though throughout our relationship he’d led me to believe that his previous ex was the one who had left him. Who knows? If I had to guess, I’d say his family also may have played a role. I never quite felt like his mother approved of us. Again, who knows?
I’m not sure what, if anything, you hope to learn from this. The only lesson in it for me is that life ain’t fair and you don’t often get any answers as to why. Naturally, I already knew that shit.
I am dating again, though only half-heartedly. The single men here are mostly religious and/or Republican, and there’s not a craft cocktail in the world artisanal enough for me to put up with that kind of conversation.
Still, life is grand. I love what I do for a living, and I love my new place in the world. I am ever hopeful. Not that I’m hoping for anything in particular, but I am broadly optimistic about the future and unabashedly good at savoring the human condition regardless of whether I exist in a state of singlehood, couplehood, or some creative variation of the two.