On not being pretty

I’m not pretty. It’s cool. Not everyone can be pretty. However, I don’t date a lot because well… I’m not pretty and I live in a college town where there are a lot of pretty girls. One of my guy friends keeps insisting I tell him why I don’t date (he has a girlfriend, he’s not trying to date me). How do I explain without sounding like I have super low self-esteem?

I don’t accept your implied premise that being pretty is a prerequisite for dating, nor do I accept your excuse that you don’t date a lot because you’re not pretty. Come on, bitch. You’re in college. Surely you know that correlation does not imply causation.

It doesn’t matter if you’re uglier than mormon sex, if you really wanted to be on a date right now, you could make that shit happen. This isn’t about your looks or your self-esteem. It’s about your priorities, and to some degree, it’s about your standards.

That’s not criticism, by the way. I’ve got no doubt that your priorities and standards are well adjusted. I’m just saying if you want to explain it to your guy friend, frame it in those terms.

In other words, you can tell him that you’ve got high standards, and dating just isn’t that high a priority for you right now. That’s the high self-esteem excuse you’re looking for.

Also, who the fuck is this guy that you owe him answers to personal questions in the first place? Friend or not, that shit isn’t any of his goddamned business, and you should feel free to tell him so.

Oh, and one more thing. You may not be a carbon copy of the local beauty standards, but that doesn’t mean you’re not pretty. You don’t know it, but I guarantee, every day you’re surrounded by people who think you’re hot.


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