On not getting used

Okay. I’ve recently begun fooling around with this guy from work (we’re both college kids, so it’s not like I’m fucking the boss or anything). We have a lot of mutual friends, who seem to really get a kick out of spreading everyone’s gossip around. Anyways, he and I have told no one that we are sleeping together, so it’s very hush-hush. 

Now. I just don’t want to get used, I feel like the whole “let’s not spread this around” kind of thing could potentially enable him to go out and sleep with other girls as well (which I suppose is okay, he and I aren’t officially dating or anything). I would rather know what’s going on with him and his potential other girls, because quite frankly I do not want to waste my time with him, if I’m just one of 15 girls. You know?

So, I want to find a way to bring it up, without being awkward, as I have to work with him, and I still like the guy.

Any ideas of how to bring it up? Or any key phrases to say/AVOID saying? Thank you!!

How is your time with him suddenly being wasted if he sees another girl? I’ll never understand that mentality. Then again, I’ll never understand the mentality of a woman who grants a man the power to “use” her. Fuck that. I’m not some inanimate object that dispenses refreshment. My pussy isn’t a vending machine.

If you don’t want to get used, then be present in the relationship and accept personal responsibility for the decisions you make with your own body. Do that, and he won’t be able to use you. At worst, all he’ll be able to do is lie to you.

As for your dilemma, just be straight with him. Tell him what you expect. Say something like the following:

“I’m not asking for a formal relationship. I’m not telling you that you can’t see other women. All I’m doing is letting you know that I’m not comfortable having sex with you if you’re also having sex with other people. Therefore, out of respect for me, it’s your responsibility to tell me if and when you start having sex with someone else. It’s no big deal either way. It’s not going to fuck up our friendship, because I like you, and I like what we’ve got going on.”

It’s a perfectly reasonable request that not only respects his boundaries, but also your feelings. When he agrees (and he will), then the burden of integrity is on him. He’s the one who has to communicate with you before sleeping around, otherwise it’s a violation of your friendship.

It’s a solid way to get him thinking about the progression of your relationship without feeling trapped. You’ll seem like the cool chick, and if the day comes when he chooses not to sleep with another girl because he’d rather keep sleeping with you, he’ll think it was his idea.


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