Best-Of Advice

On philosophers and fools

Heartbreak is not inevitable…why are you so bitter? Sure there are hard times but some people who say “forever” mean it. I’m sorry that has not been your experience. Every time I read your articles I end up thinking about you and how miserable your existence must be and what horrible life experiences you must have had. I am so sorry for you!

Sweetheart, I’m not bitter. I’m just not a candy-headed twit. Please save your shallow pity for sad puppies in Sarah McLachlan commercials, because I certainly don’t need it.

I’m over here leading a charmed life of self-realized happiness, but you aren’t equipped to spot something like that. I’m sure you’re a decent enough person — earnest, Wonder Bread wholesome, sweet in a saccharine sort of way — but you couldn’t find enlightenment if it was in the rollback bin at Walmart.

That’s okay. I don’t need you to understand that what you consider bitterness, I consider a healthy dose of pragmatism. What you consider sin, I consider a celebration of the human condition. What you consider bliss, I consider ignorance.

I welcome heartbreak as an inevitability because I have no childish illusions about true love or happily ever after. That doesn’t mean I don’t love deeply. I do. I just don’t need it to be a fairy tale.

And yes, some people who say forever mean it, but forever is a word for philosophers and fools. If you’re using it to describe your love life, I’ll let you guess which of the two you are.


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