I was agnostic for a period of 10 years or so. I have been dating a Christian for the past two years. He did not force his religion upon me at all or passive aggressively try and make me adopt it. I chose to explore it on my own to see what he believes. But because I have been exposed to it, I am starting to believe in God again and I am attracted to what Christians believe. Am I being brainwashed? Why do I feel manipulated into believing something? Should I hold myself back from further exploring it?
You’re not exploring. You’re settling. You’ve found a convenient belief system by way of a boyfriend, and you can’t be bothered to do any critical thinking because it’s all so easy.
You’re taking on Christianity like other women take on country music or college football. It’s just another thing you accept as part of your life because of the guy you’re currently fucking. You might even convince yourself you kind of like it, right up until the relationship ends. That’s when you come to your senses and wonder what in the hell you were thinking.
Admit to yourself that you’re not attracted to what Christians believe as much as you’re attracted to what your boyfriend believes. While you’re at it, stop being so spiritually lazy. If you want to call yourself an explorer, do some fucking exploring. Curiosity is an active pursuit, especially where fundamental belief systems are concerned.
Don’t just passively go to church. Use your rational mind and challenge your newfound religion. Learn all about its history, rituals, traditions, and beliefs. Study it. Hell, study all religion.
Put some fucking effort into your life choices.