Advice

On sex ed

Dear Coke Talk,

My grandma wouldn’t sign the sex ed form so my friend Ricky and I had to play tetherball outside.  What the heck were they talking about in there?!

Thanks a bundle!

Tom Oatmeal

P.S. This is more for Ricky.  I know what they were talking about, but I thought maybe you could just tell me what you think it is first to kind of confirm that we’re on the same page.  But I definitely know.

Dear Tom,

Don’t worry, you and Ricky didn’t miss much.

If your public school was anything like mine, all they did was separate the boys and girls into different sections of the gymnasium.

On the girls side of the room, a nice lady from the local Baptist church showed up with some very colorful posters depicting all the myriad ways we could infect, defile, or otherwise bleed from most of the holes in our young female bodies.

Special attention was paid to areas of new hair growth, as well as the place in fiery hell reserved for evil girls who murder innocent babies in botched back-alley coat hanger abortions wherein they themselves subsequently die from guilt and exsanguination.

Over on the boys side, I’m pretty sure they just raffled off a few of those wooden triangle jump-a-peg games that the shop teacher stole from the Cracker Barrel.

“Eg-no-ra-moose” indeed.

Say hey to Eric for me!

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