Advice

On some sage advice

You’re so desperate to sell your stupid book you’d rather answer questions that can serve you as a way to promote it more. What a shame, I come here for some sage advice I can relate to, not to see you answer obviously planted questions by you just so you can link your book to Amazon.

You’re a sellout to your own greed coke. Shame.

 

You want some sage advice? When a writer provides you with nearly a decade’s worth of free entertainment without so much as a single advertisement or sponsored content of any kind, you do not whine. You do not complain. You do not act like an ungrateful little shit-goblin by calling that writer a sellout.

What you do is show that writer some fucking respect and graciously click on the provided links and pre-order several copies of that writer’s book, because over the years the writer’s words have played a small but relevant part in your development as a human being, and you’ll eventually want to give the book as a gift to various people who are important in your life.

Then, after pre-ordering multiple copies of the book, you send a heart-felt note to that writer apologizing for your shitty attitude and rude behavior.

Shame, indeed.

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81 thoughts on “On some sage advice

  1. Kelly says:

    Right on, Coke. I’ve been waiting for literal years for an opportunity to give you my money, and I have two teenage sisters who will be receiving your book the day it’s released. It’s like passing the torch to the next generation.

    Thanks for everything. <3

  2. PolicyChick says:

    You, sir, are either an ass, or an idiot, or both.

    To supplement Coke’s reply, how about you be happy for the woman? All of the insightful advice over the years, and now she can see some actual compensation for it. As readers, we can’t donate, we can’t subscribe, we can’t click on ads…. We have no way to monetarily support her work. And now we can – and in doing so, we can share her with others – which is the best possible way.

    And how about the fact that she is anonymous? Still, after ten years? Do you realize how much she could capitalize on her identity alone?

    If you can’t be happy for someone who has given you so much while you have given nothing in return, feel free to fuck off.

  3. VeryOff says:

    Entitled ungrateful fuck isn’t even being forced to buy the book!
    By all means, you cashless dickwad, consider Cq the Shkreli of personal advice and gtfo. I hope she never answers a question pertinent to your existence and that every tormented moment of ignorance brings you back to an empty Amazon wish list of white trash privilege.

    I will buy one more copy for each week she goes without answering a question because of you.

  4. marie says:

    Selling out indeed. I mean, really though where does it end?? First start small with a book… but then what? More books? Coquette accessories? Coquette handbags? Jewelry? Home decor?

    No, really I’m asking. And I’ll take one of each.

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    • Mil says:

      I’m still pissed I didn’t act more quickly and get some of that sick Stay Wild jewelry (or Honey Cunt or Fuck Yeah) from a while ago. Maybe a tattoo is in order? 😉

  5. Daffodil says:

    I knew I could count on you to be unapologetic about trying to make money. Bloggers are the new artists, with the accompanying “how dare you want to get paid for professional quality work that is in fact really hard and time consuming work” bullshit.

  6. Pound says:

    I just love how his submission spurred me to go directly to Amazon and pre-order a copy! Can’t wait to put on my coffee table.

    • Kittyninja says:

      This. I could only afford one. I’m adjusting my budget for another next payday. Even broke bitches are excited as fuck to give Coke their dollars.

      Plus, that’s a damn cheap book.

  7. MK says:

    You, letter writer are the most perfect example of what is wrong with the world. You want someone else to do the thinking for you, you feel you’re entitled to have someone think for you, and to entertain your simple mind and when that someone who has been ‘giving’ themself to you has an opportunity to monetize from their efforts and ideas you cry foul and throw out accusations of selling out.
    Enjoy the comfort of your mother’s couch. Judging by your attitude, you’ll be there a long while.

  8. aaaa says:

    Hi ct. Unrelated to that ungrateful entitled asshat, but I just wanted to tell you I pre-ordered your book. I’m looking forward to it. I just had a thought about how honored I’d feel if the question I sent ends up there. A sentence I put together in your book, how awesome is that? If it isn’t don’t worry because you couldn’t disappoint me if you tried. Sending my love and appreciation.

  9. Strangely Rational says:

    Desperate is such a weird word to be directing at Coquette here, given how many people have responded to her mentions of the book with excitement and pre-orders.

    I get the impression that you’re the one who is desperate here, given that you have such low tolerance for things not being exactly the way you want them that you feel it’s necessary to scold someone for how they run their own site. You just can’t bear to ignore the posts you don’t like; you have to complain about them.

    Yep, sounds pretty desperate and petty to me.

  10. Bruce says:

    Bernie’s a sellout. The new Ghostbusters is a sellout. Now Coke’s a sellout. The only pure being left in the universe is you, OP, who never accomplished jack.

  11. Ailey says:

    Thanks, OP. I was wondering how many copies I should order, and I’ve just ordered five thanks to my outrage at your obnoxiousness. Five for the number of years I’ve been reading.

    I kind of think I should double it. Coke’s been invaluable.

  12. Bunny says:

    Um CQ had the jewellery and the vintage clothing/accessories and a line of handbags and “notes to my future husband” and y’all acting this is the first time she’s put her ideas into a physical format. She’s no sell out.

  13. JC says:

    I really admire her for staying anonymous. She could have cashed in big a long time ago. Even in her personal life, she doesn’t use this to gain advantage. She takes her dating lumps just like the rest of us, for example. I think that is part of how/why she maintains authenticity.

  14. VeryOff says:

    I kind of love that we’re all ready to book this person to death.
    “Oh yeah? Well I’m buying one book for every letter in your shitty response!”
    258ish

  15. Nerdlinger says:

    If CQ was a sellout, she would either deliberately pick the most controversial but otherwise impractical questions in order to turn the blog into a one-sided culture war (you really think someone with such a profile would need to actually make up any question? Lord knows what oddities still lurk in her mailbox), or mellow out to broaden her appeal. She has described in the past how she routinely weeds out readers who take umbrage when she says something that goes against the grain of her audience, and that she’s actually fine with that. If you have been reading for any time and look at some of the slapfights in the comments section, is she lying about it?

    Heck, you could argue monetizing past work will actually translate into her being able to be herself more, since it will give her the luxury of answering questions she otherwise might not have the mental energy for.

  16. Morten says:

    First of all, I want to make it abundantly clear I don’t agree with OP. The submission is entitled, rude and uncalled for and Coke has every right to earn as much money as she can from the book sales through promotions.

    With that said I have reacted to the timing of said promotions one or two times. You usually offer commentary and/or words of comfort when shit hits the fan in the real world, and people look to you for guidance and succor. The Orlando shooting at a gay bar comes to mind first and how you didn’t have anything to say about it, yet took the time out of your day to promote the book.

    I would have rather seen some words of comfort for your gay following on that day or the days that followed instead of a promotion. This is just my opinion.

    (With that said, congratulations on you new book. I pre-ordered your last one, and I have pre-ordered this one too. Stay wild.)

    • JC says:

      I also came here hoping to hear something thoughtful about all the recent shootings. The thing to remember is that she is a human being. She is probably sad and exhausted like the rest of us, or maybe she doesn’t have the right words. Maybe she answered something light because she can’t deal with the heavy shit going on right now.

      It really doesn’t matter what her reason is for not commenting on these things. This is her hobby, and she gives a lot of time to all of us. She doesn’t owe us her personal feelings about current events unless she wants to offer them.

  17. Maria says:

    We’re been asking her for a book for years. And we all loved the fun little Notes, but we kept asking. Now that she’s actually giving us another book, how can you expect her to do otherwise than to do it right? Girl’s got integrity. If you’re going to launch a book with a publisher (instead of print-on-demand self-publishing), promotion and pre-sales are part of how you do it right.

  18. Courtney says:

    Your dedication to unfiltered, non-sponsored, witty yet thought provoking writing while staying anonymous (so not even the perks of fame) just to deliver cold, fast truths to little shit-goblins like the above is why I just pre-ordered 5 of your books for my closest friends. I’m proud of you Coke for taking this next step on your journey and we’re behind you.

  19. IsThisIt? says:

    Oh cokey…
    Darlin’ your audience has gotten to know you well enough to bait you. All it takes is insinuating that you’ve lost your touch. You’ve even gotten a catch phrase from it “embrace the fucking change”. Don’t feed the trolls.

  20. So it goes. says:

    It must be a confidence boost to post something that you know your fan base will rally and compliment you over. Not to accuse you of pandering (although I can see how someone would get that), more to note the loyalty of the fan base.

  21. Lucie says:

    Yep, I had been going back and forth on whether I could justify spending money for a book at the moment, but this asshole has definitely pushed me to the “fuck yeah I can” side. Because I’m not just paying for a book, I’m paying for “thanks for all the hundreds of completely free advice you have given and majorly changed my life with over the course of the seven years I’ve been reading you”. So thank you, anonymous asshole. I genuinely mean that. Thanks to you, I’m going to own a copy of this sure-to-be totally awesome book. And I hope all the best for Coquette’s future success.

  22. Eva says:

    This may have already been posted and I missed it, but is there a release date set for the book? I want to pre-order it, but I’m moving in a month so I’m not sure what address I should get it shipped to. Thanks for giving us another book Coke!

  23. Strangely Rational says:

    I just had a great idea. I think I’ll buy a copy, read it, and then release it into the wild for someone else to find and maybe attract them to the site.

    I found a website (bookcrossing.com) where you can register a book, print a label with an ID number, and track it to see where it winds up (if the recipient goes to the site to report finding it, anyway). Sounds like it would be so much fun . . . I have a few other books I really don’t need anymore that I should probably do this with.

  24. Goddamn, Coke, I am almost speechless. After so many years growing and learning from you and alongside you as a fellow human, it’s incredible to have seen so much of the important stuff that’s guided me in the right direction meet a well-deserved checkpoint.
    You’ve reached the point where you can be successful selling a book of that important stuff. I often feel pressure on myself to write down my streams of consciousness and opinions and feelings, but I just never do it. However with this material published and compiled for my and many others’ convenience, I can invoke my own reflections all over again from whatever point in my life I may stumble into, and each time reading it, revisit my past feelings and be able to reflect with my experiences from the in-betweens.
    It always worked out that I would read the exact relevant material of yours at the exact time I needed it, whether it was the same damn passage each time, or something new. And each time I’d be swept off my feet from whatever spot I was standing on. That is usually how I know I have found a truly sacred text.
    Sometimes writers I look up to make me feel like I’ll never be able to write a goddamned thing so good, so while I’m incredibly touched and impressed by their work, I get discouraged about my own pursuit. And then I read Coke Talk, and while your prose is on a level I don’t know if I could personally attain on my own, I’m able to relate so well with how you think and what you’re saying most of the time that I realize maybe I don’t have to. I get motivated to try anything at all, and I think that’s so important.
    My absolute favorite thing is my being able to tell you’re just as human as I am this whole time without knowing a thing about your identity. What you’ve provided is golden and imperfect and timely and beautiful and real. Shit is the most consistently inspiring thing anyone has offered me, outside of romantic relationships.
    Anyway, I’m high and this is getting soppy. (I apologize.)
    Thank you so much whoever you are, you beautiful fucking thing, for these years of basically serving as my conscience at times, and for this indubitably priceless pile of papers I will absolutely preorder as soon as I have a spare few bucks.
    No doubt will I share it with the people I love as well. It is the very least I can do.
    Never stop inspiring, and please- stay wild, my lady.

  25. Kym says:

    Is it possible to set up some sort of collection/web based donation for those you can’t afford the book – then your costs are covered – and you get to decide who gets the prepaid books. I’d totally donate to something like that

  26. Grouch says:

    “Wow, that book is cheap as fuck”, I said, before going to amazon.ca, and seeing it nearly double in price. I guess I’m buying off amazon.com, then…

    Why are the book prices so absurd in the most educated country in the world?

  27. PolicyChick says:

    Also too – Coke I liked how you slipped in the link to the book within your response. That made me giggle.

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