On standard issue crazy

I always loose interest in guys the second or third time I have sex with them. I mean, I am happy to meet up and be friends afterward but I never want to sleep with them again after the first or second time. This is sort of a new phenomenon. I am 28 and until now I’ve been constantly in and out mini-relationships (with the exception of a three years not so mini one), but I just don’t have the energy for any of it anymore. If the guy I am with is not the embodiment of all of my petty fantasies, I have no patience for intimacy, and then after the first time we fuck the tension dissipates and I loose all desire to be with that person. Considering the odds that I will cross paths with that boy I never met are pretty slim, any advice on how to make the tension last?

Sexual tension isn’t supposed to last, you fucking crackhead. Those butterflies in your stomach are like any other high — temporary, and in your case, habit forming. You don’t need advice on making that feeling last longer. You need help so that you don’t crave it in the first place.

Oh, and don’t kid yourself. Those aren’t relationships you’re having. They’re bloated one night stands. Hell, you said it yourself: you have no patience for intimacy. You’re not in it for anything other than the cheap thrill you get from being chased.

Listen, this is all pretty much standard issue crazy where I live. I couldn’t throw a grapefruit without it bouncing off two waitresses and an actress who have your exact flavor of intimacy issues.

I could open a drive-thru therapy window where I give girls like you a slap to the face and a framed picture of your codependent parents making you feel unworthy of love.

I’m in a pissy mood right now, so instead of blathering on about healing your inner child or reprogramming your dysfunctional ego defenses, I’m much more inclined to tell you to just buck the fuck up and quit acting like a love junkie.

Lose the petty fantasies, quit chasing the emotional high you get from sexual tension, and go deal with your fears of abandonment, betrayal, and rejection.


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