I’m a girl, I fancy my best mate, a guy.

Problem: He’s gay.

He’s not been in a relationship in over two years, but when he talks about other guys he likes, I get super jealous.

I really want to get into his pants.

Persuade me he’s a dickhead or tell me rohypnol is OK.

He’s not the dickhead. You are.

Come on, a fag hag who lusts after her gay best friend? You’re a fucked out sitcom cliche. Please go find a heterosexual male to fool around with before you ruin a perfectly good friendship.