On the four agreements

I have an old friend that I see very rarely. I’ve known him for years, but have seen him only three times the past year. I recently saw him around town and he was very short with me. I wrote him a message that night apologizing if I pissed him off in some way and said he should come hang. A month later, he replied with “You’ve tainted all of my interests in life. Fuck you (my name). I hate you.” What the fuck? I need a witty response for this shit.

No you don’t. This is one of those instances where you need a quick reminder of each of the Four Agreements.

First, be impeccable with your word. Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Sure, you could fire off a bitchy counter-reply, but is that going to be a good use of of your word? Would it do any good at all?

Second, but perhaps most importantly, don’t take anything personally. Remember, you’ve only seen this guy a few times in past year. The shit he’s talking may be at you, but it’s not about you. Whatever his reason for lashing out, it’s not you. Never was, never will be.

Third, don’t make assumptions. You clearly don’t know what’s going on with him, so now is not the time for a witty response. He slapped you with a cry-for-help style attention-seeking email. Either open up communication by asking legitimate questions about why he’s in pain, or just ignore it altogether and stay the fuck out of his problems.

Finally, always do your best. Your best is gonna change from moment to moment. Sometimes, talking shit right back would be the best thing you can do. Not in this instance, though. I don’t know your capabilities, but a simple forgive and forget situation may be in order here.

Trust me. Take the high road on this one. This guy sounds like he’s hurting pretty bad. I doubt you want to get involved as a shoulder to cry on, but there’s no need to add fuel to the fire either.

Just let it go.


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