On the professional.

My roommate Chris is a legend. He moved in 6 months ago and is someone who I’m sure will be a friend for life.

Problem is, he has this annoying cockatiel. It’s an utterly terrible pet. It makes noises like a car alarm and let’s just say it’s a morning bird. It’s also unfriendly, even to Chris, biting the hand that feeds.

For some reason he loves this bird. Personally, I think it would be better for both of us if it was gone. We’ve talked about it but he’s too attached. I don’t get it- this thing has the pointlessness of a fish combined with the noise of a dog. An absolute mood killer.

I’ve thought long and hard but get the shakes every time my hand gets near the cage door. What should I do?


Your hand shakes, eh? You want the bird gone, but you don’t have what it takes to do what needs to be done?

Yeah, well. I know a guy. Ex-military, a real professional. He knows how to deal with your particular problem. He works fast, and he can keep a secret.

I think it’s time you brought in The Colonel.


2 thoughts on “On the professional.

  1. Wendy says:

    I clicked “random” on accident and came across this of all things. Best accident ever. This is one of the stupidest, funniest, and best things I’ve read on here (which is saying a lot).

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