I have a crazy religious nut on my hands. Every day during class, I can’t sit and go through lecture without this guy asking me if I’m worried at all about not being saved by Jesus yet or if I’m ready to embrace the fires of Hell. Now, I’m a religious person of a different faith, but I believe people should be able to practice their faith without having some douche-bag stuff it down my throat every day in class. I don’t care what the fuck you believe in, just keep it off of me and I’ll keep it off of you. Nothing with this idiot works. I’ve tried switching seats, being polite, or just plain ignoring, but he absolutely INSISTS that I convert to Christianity right then and there.

Please, please oh please, I can’t take it anymore. I’ve never even said a word to him about religion to deserve this, but he insists upon making my life Hell. How the fuck do I get him off my back? Do I just plain tell him off?

My preferred solution would be for you to mind fuck this little twerp until he swallows his own tongue. Then again, if you knew how to do that, you wouldn’t be asking for my help in the first place.

As a next best option, I recommend you consider a restraining order. He is harassing you, plain and simple. You can even make the argument that he is threatening you with bodily harm each time he mentions that you’ll burn in hell.

I’m not joking about this.

Start filling out the paperwork tonight. You don’t necessarily have to file anything with the courts, because it may be enough for you just to show the prepared documents to your professor.

First thing tomorrow, tell your professor that you’re being harassed and that you’re about to file an order of protection against this person whom you consider to be mentally unstable if not potentially dangerous. Tell him that as a religious person of a different faith, you’re being persecuted and that you consider yourself the victim of an ongoing hate crime.

Let your professor know that you expect him to deal with the problem immediately, and make a formal request that he notify the school administration on your behalf that harassment is going on in his classroom.

I promise, unless you’re at some batshit bible college, the school administration will come down on this kid so hard and fast his pointy little head will spin.

On the day they kick the fucker out of class, I highly recommend you do your best Samuel L. Jackson impersonation while quoting Ezekiel 25:17.