On when to get selfish.

My boyfriend and I have been together for a while now, but due to my last (rough) breakup- involving physical and emotional abuse- I can’t quite settle into this relationship. It’s unfair to my current boyfriend (who’s apparently head over heels), but as far as I know, he’s willing to wait it out. But I don’t know how long it’ll take before I’m comfortable enough to open up to him. I love him, but he doesn’t deserve to wait around for me to deal with my baggage. What should I do?

Keep him. Dump him. It’s entirely up to you. Just don’t let him sit around being a distraction while you get your shit together. Either he helps you heal, or he gets the fuck out of the way.

Waiting around is useless and passive, not just in a relationship — in any endeavor. He’s your fucking boyfriend. He doesn’t get to play the role of innocent bystander.

You’ve got some real shit to deal with, and he’s just hanging out with a love-stoned grin on his face thinking he’s doing you a favor by merely existing. Bullshit. He’s either part of the solution, or part of the problem.

Given the way you phrased this question in terms of his emotional needs, I’m inclined to think that at the moment, he’s more part of the problem.

Don’t make your path toward healing be about him. This is about you.

Get selfish. You’re not on his schedule. He’s on yours, and you’re under no obligation to ever open up to him. That’s not the goal. The goal is for you to process your past abuse through self-exploration so you can move on.

Once again, I say get selfish. I know it goes against your nature to put yourself first, but that’s part of your underlying problem. Fuck what’s “unfair” to your boyfriend. Do what you need to do, babe.

Take care of yourself.

Good luck.


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