Fun-Sized Advice

On fun sized advice.

How do you tell the difference between herpes and a mole?
How do you tell the difference between Paris Hilton and Natalie Portman?

how does a lady keep her legs closed?
Invisible knee cuffs. (Patent pending, bitches.)

He’s playing hard to get. I want to beat him at his own game.
Go nuclear. Fuck one of his friends.

Why am I fat?
I blame the Jews.

How do we get Lindsay Lohan to join our LA Movie Club?
Hire Samantha Ronson to DJ and serve crack.

why do i keep sabotaging my romantic relationships?
Because you hate yourself.

why do i get bored with every guy i’ve been dating recently?
Because you hate yourself.

You seem to dislike cats a lot.
I show respect for all living creatures as they show respect for me.

How do you know when to give up on someone?
When they’ve shown you who they are, and it isn’t enough.

is middle school love pointless?

No. It’s invaluable practice.

Can men and women be friends? Seriously…
When they’re done fucking. Seriously.

How do you keep a man in love?
Be cool.

Coke Talk, do you have any advice for a girl about to lose her virginity?
Have fun. Send me a postcard.


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