My boyfriend and I had this idea: he has Coke in his mouth and I have Mentos and then we make out. How bad of an idea is this?
For anything interesting to happen, it would have to be Diet Coke, and you two would have to kiss like those creepy couples from the Virgin Diaries on TLC.
Tomorrow I am going to represent my first client (I just became an attorney) at a pre-trial. I. Am. Terrified. I graduated top of my class, studied hard, did internships, learned from the best attorneys around, “shadowed” attorneys and judges. I know what to say. I know what to do. But, it still feels like opening night of the high school play… I hope I don’t forget my lines. 🙂 Love your stuff, CT. A quick read through and I remember… yeah, I got this. Took me my whole life to get here. This is where I want to be.
Rock it the fuck out tomorrow, you hot lawyer bitch.
I just turned 18 and I seem to be uncertain about everything in my life. Is that normal?
Yep. Get used to it. Better yet, get comfortable with it. It’ll make you less susceptible to advertising.
Where is the line between having style and being obsessed with physical appearance?
Vanity.
Outside of getting a therapist and/or a puppy, is there any basic advice you can suggest for a person on their quest to become emotionally healthy?
Don’t waste your life in the company of assholes.
“Friends” or “Seinfeld”? (Please don’t choose secret answer No. 3. There’s a real discussion happening, and you’re about to settle it.)
“Seinfeld.” This is not open for discussion.
How can you have an effective break without actually breaking up?
What’s the difference?
What does it mean to be “sexually unprincipled”?
It means you’ve compromise your integrity with your sexuality. The most common example is cheating on a sexual partner.
How do I deal with a manipulative woman who’s made it clear she wants to sleep with my man and doesn’t care that he’s dating me?
If it’s possible to cut her out of your life, do so. If not, pick up a copy of “The Art of War” and play the bitch better than she’s playing you.
Which is stranger: a woman or a gay man going to a straight friend’s bachelor party?
Who cares? It’s all just a ridiculous, outmoded ritual anyway. Go and have fun. Try not to be a gigantic douchebag, and remember to tip the strippers.
My boyfriend keeps thinking my O-face is a look of pain while we’re having sex. How do I get him to realize he doesn’t have to keep asking if I’m OK?
Just tell him. Use your words, darling.
What do you think of Congress trying to declare pizza sauce a vegetable?
It’s silly, and it’s also fairly solid evidence that the government cares more about corporate profits in the frozen food industry than it does about childhood nutrition for the underprivileged.
Now that it’s been two months… what are your thoughts on Occupy Wall Street?
Not for nothin’, but this may be the first time I’ve ever been proud of my generation.
What’s the right way to live?
There is no such thing, but if you insist on presupposing a universal morality, then the answer is simply this: Be good.
It’s really interesting to me. I just learned a lot about evolution and how it affects sex appeal today. I learned it’s actually how women evolved to want to be in a monogamous relationship, or have some sort of stability. When humans first evolved to walking on two legs, there was no place for the baby to rest on their backs, so women had to carry their babies. Because of this, they needed a male who could protect them since women couldn’t do much without their hands. I just find this so interesting because although I agree with you on your opinion on monogamous relationships, there’s still a part of me that wants one. How did you get rid of that? How do you find stability in an open relationship?
First of all, you’re confusing evolutionary biology with theoretical anthropology. Humans always walked on two legs. You’re talking about some other early hominid species not sufficiently advanced enough to figure out how to work a Baby Bjorn.
Your point about mothers needing protection is a fairly standard anecdotal argument that monogamy is a biological imperative, but you’re jumping to a conclusion. I’m not saying you’re wrong, but it’s one helluva a leap to attribute your individual monogamous streak to the mating habits of Homo Erectus.
As for open relationships, I don’t accept your underlying premise that they’re any less stable than monogamous relationships. You just don’t have any experience with them.
Fuck that. I want one man to love only me. That’s how you get appreciated properly.
Whatever, bitch. Sex isn’t the same thing as love, and getting appreciated isn’t the same thing as being respected.
It’s fine if you want to be monogamous, but my way of thinking wouldn’t scare the shit out of you if you understood the difference.
Call me ignorant all you want, but I firmly believe sex IS reserved for marriage only for a lot of reasons. It’s something I’ve decided on. Therefore, sex is at least heavily related to love.
It doesn’t scare the shit out of me, I just refuse to think like that when I know there are quite a few men out there who share how I feel.
When did I call you ignorant? Believe what you want, babe. It’s not my job to tell you how to live. I hope you find your one man and “get appreciated properly,” whatever that means to you.
Go be happy.
I have struck gold. I found the most amazing man. I cannot even begin to describe to you all of the ways that he astounds and inspires me. We are deeply in love and have been together for some time. Lately I have been struggling with a conflict in some part of myself. It started when his ex-girlfriend moved back into town, or rather, I became more acutely aware of my personal struggle.
So the situation is this: He is open and fluid in his ability to give and receive love romantically and sexually with others besides myself. That being said, he respects my inclination towards monogamy and has told me that as long as I feel that way, he will never cheat on me. It would have to be something that we both agreed on and were comfortable with. I learned about his ability to love others as deeply as he loves me when his ex-girlfriend moved back. And now I am presented with the opportunity to learn and try to open myself to new possibilities.
Coquette, I am so scared. I have read a lot on your blog and other sources about open relationships. It was all sort of academic, though. I never felt like I could be that person or would want to be. I feel as though my love and devotion has one destination and that is my boyfriend. That’s just emotion, though. I know in reality that it doesn’t have to be that way, that love can flow freely to many sources and that there will always be more to give.
I have been physically sick over this. Why can’t I wrap my little head around this? Why am I consumed with dread that I will lose him to someone else? Why am I floundering in feelings of worthlessness and self-doubt, just because my partner has love to give? I feel as though he is something too hot to hold, like I can’t harness the energy he emits. I’m left feeling small and insignificant. I want to be able to learn from him and grow. What is this hand that has ahold of me deep inside my stomach that squeezes so tight? Why is it so greedy for his love? Is our relationship doomed?
Jealousy is a powerful emotion. It’s primal, deeply embedded in those dark and sticky parts of your psyche where a fear of abandonment is still tied directly to your ability to survive.
You are in a classic struggle with jealousy. It’s a visceral thing. Those freshly squeezed guts of yours are growling about doom while your rational mind is pulling you toward openness, love and personal growth. It’s gonna take some bravery and bold moves to quell the cognitive dissonance you’ve got going on, maybe even a good old-fashioned leap of faith.
The key to all of this is trust. You have to trust that your partner’s motives are pure. You have to trust that you’re strong enough to share your partner romantically and sexually. Most importantly, you have to trust that your relationship will remain above all others, no matter what.
If you can gather up all of that trust, then maybe you can break through all those feelings of worthlessness and insignificance. Hell, you should let go of those anyway. They’re poison, whether your relationship is monogamous or open. Those negative emotions are just manifestations of fear, and it’s the fear that always ends up doing the damage.
Say it with me now: You are neither worthless nor insignificant. Quite the opposite. You are the one in control of your relationship. You are the one who decides if, when and how to move forward with this kind of thing. You’re the one who gets to mark the boundaries and set the rules. Recognize your own strength in this. Beat back the self-doubt with the trust you have in how much you love each other, and only open things up if it’s something you both want.
Opening up your relationship is a big deal. It’s terrifying. It’s also thrilling, but that’s not reason enough to do it. This has to be something with the potential to bring both of you more happiness. It can’t be one-sided. Make sure your happiness is an equal part of the equation, and if you decide that it is, then I wish you the best of luck with that leap of faith.
I’m 27 and have been estranged from my father for nearly a decade. When he left us, he took off with the woman he was cheating on my mother with.
Life with him before he left us was hell. He was, and presumably still is, an abusive alcoholic. I vividly remember him picking me up by the back of my shirt when I was about 7 and throwing me down the hall. He would mercilessly beat the only dog I ever owned until I literally threw myself on the dog to make him stop.
I remember him getting hammered on more than one occasion and tearing apart furniture, then throwing the pieces at me and telling me I “ruined his fucking life.” When I was 16, I had my first boyfriend, and when I came home half an hour late after going to a movie with him my father screamed at me in the middle of the street, calling me a filthy slut, among other colorful things.
This is only the tip of the iceberg, but it gives you a general idea of what kind of person he is.
Anyway, a few weeks ago I got a call from a police officer saying my father had gone in to put out a missing persons report on me. The officer explained that my father told him that what he really wanted was to reconnect with his family. No missing person report was made (because, as the officer explained, estrangement does not equal “missing”), but the officer did ensure my father he would contact me and pass along a phone number where my father could be reached, which he did.
I still have the number and am debating calling. The only reason why I’m on the fence is because recently my aunt mentioned she heard something about him possibly having pancreatic cancer.
While that’s a pretty awful hand to be dealt, I don’t really feel any sympathy for him after the way he treated me and my family. But for some reason I’m feeling guilty; like I should call him at least once before he dies. However, the more logical part of me is saying, “No, he doesn’t just potentially have cancer, he IS cancer and screw it if he’s your biological father. You never asked to be related to this jerk and you don’t owe him anything.”
Am I wrong for wanting to go back to pretending he doesn’t exist or should I call him one last time?
Like it or not, your father does exist. You don’t owe him anything, but it might be a good idea to say goodbye. If he does have pancreatic cancer, he’s not gonna be around for very long. If he dies without you getting some sort of closure, it’s gonna mess with your head for the rest of your life.
Consider making your peace with him. That doesn’t mean you have to let him back into your life. In fact, you probably shouldn’t. Still, you need to forgive him. It doesn’t matter whether your father deserves it. The forgiveness is for your sake, not his.
Find a way. Take the time before you call. Dig deep, and truly forgive him. Let go of all that anger and resentment. That stuff is more toxic than he is.
Feel free to keep your distance from your father, but communicate with him to whatever extent you need to get the emotional poison out of your system. I promise, you’ll feel better. It’s a powerful thing to forgive.
Your best friend got married before you. Drinkin hateraid or Sunny D?
Before me? It’s not a race, bitch. That shit ain’t a finish line. Tomorrow is just another party with an open bar. My girl has been lucky in love for three years now, and I’m so fucking happy for her.
I’m so blissed out right now.
Gotta go party.
Love you all.
where did you go? you never write on here anymore! i know you wont reply but just thought you should know we miss your bitch ass.
I’m in Cabo for another week doing the maid-of-honor thing at my best friend’s wedding. I’m crazy busy, plus the internet here is worse than my Spanish, so I won’t be posting much until I get back.
My mother was physically and emotionally abusive to my siblings when we were growing up. We’re all adults now but the emotional abuse continues. I haven’t seen her in five years but we still speak on the phone and at this point I realize that I’m only keeping any sort of contact out of some misplaced sense of obligation or some fear – I’m not really sure, because she almost always makes me feel like total shit after she’s done with me. I try to share my life with her and it’s like she uses any information she can to hurt me, or as she puts it “show me”. She’s even gone so far as to find phone numbers of my friends and call them saying all sort of crazy things ranging from claiming that I have some disease (MS, I think? It was stupid – and embarrassing), and another time, telling another friend that a gift I gave was a family heirloom that belonged to my mother and she’s going to press charges for theft unless they agree to let my mother pick it up at their home. She’s never been diagnosed with any mental illness because she refuses to seek mental health care, and mocks those who do as “weak” and “crazy”. She’s cruel, unhealthy and destructive in every sense of the word and I know it isn’t good for me to have her in my life. I know for damned sure that if I ever had children, I wouldn’t let them anywhere near her. No way. Yet I’m still talking to her and I don’t know how to let her know that I can’t do that any more.
If your mother is toxic, it’s okay to cut her out of your life. You don’t have to talk to her. It’s really that simple.
Also, don’t become her. If you catch yourself falling into your mother’s patterns of cruel and unhealthy behavior, get help. Break the cycle.
You know what I’m talking about.