You shouldn’t tell people to kill themselves, even if you’re joking, because someone might. Plus it makes you sound like an abusive asshole, in the same way that using “gay” as a slur makes you sound like a homophobic asshole. If that’s the pony you’d like to hitch your wagon to, sure okay, but don’t fucking pretend you don’t understand why “You should kill yourself” is a monumentally shitty thing to say.
This is why no one likes you.
If you claim that everything really means nothing, then why give a flying fuck whether or not “those whores” got what they had coming?
Because existential nihilism isn’t a license to be an asshole.
You shouldn’t tell people to kill themselves, even if you’re joking.
Why not?
Would you concede that sometimes you’re a cunt just for the sake of being a cunt?
I don’t have to concede shit.
Do you ever worry that all the topless pictures you send to guys will come back to haunt you?
It won’t be your topless pictures that come back to haunt you. It will be your credit score.
What do you think of online dating? It seems like just one big meat market.
Life is one big meat market. Online dating is just a picture menu.
How do you know if your life story is interesting enough to be a book?
If you’re a good writer, any life story is interesting enough to be a book.
How long is the “normal” amount of time to be single?
That’s good. The first step is putting it in quotes. The next step is realizing that there’s no such thing.
Is any amount of money in a job offer worth moving to Sarasota, FL while single at age 31?
Yes, but I doubt that’s what they’re offering you.
Am I terrible for thinking my girlfriend is really ugly when I wake up in the morning next to her, seeing as she has no makeup on?
Yes.
No matter what, whoever I date starts to look ugly to me after a while. Is this normal? How do I stop this from happening?
You’re confusing what they look like for what they are like. Even worse, you’re probably confusing what they are like for what you are like.
Terry Richardson is a sleaze, but I feel that some (not all) of those ladies wanted to be a part of his sleaze for fame. So, they’re fame-whores who ended up regretting their own bid for fame when it didn’t pan out for them.
Okay, so lemme get this straight. After factoring in the toxic aspects of celebrity culture, your nuanced opinion about workplace sexual harassment in the fashion industry is still basically “those whores get what they deserve.”
Got it, thanks. You should kill yourself.
I’ve been exclusively dating this guy for almost 2 months now. From our very first date, things seemed to click. We would spend hours talking and have no idea how much time had passed. I’ve never felt this way about someone before, and I think I’m at the beginning of starting to fall in love.
But, (and there’s always a “but”) he has really terrible anxiety that leads to depression. Like, sobbing uncontrollably for hours anxiety and depression. When we first met and started dating, it seemed to be rather well controlled with medication, but if he ever missed a dose, things went downhill very quickly. He recently moved to a new apartment, and the change has been enough to trigger what he says is some of his worst anxiety in years. For the past week or so, he’s been utterly depressed, and although I’m trying to be there for him, it’s extremely difficult. I struggle with depression too, but mine is extremely well controlled right now. I’m having quite a bit of trouble because as much as I’d like to help him, I can’t have him leaning on me as much as he has. We haven’t known each other long enough for me to be his entire support system (he doesn’t get along with his family, so I’ve quickly become his only support). I’m afraid that being there for him would be at the cost of my own mental health, which is something I can’t risk. When he’s normal, he’s absolutely amazing, and I could definitely see a future with him. I just don’t know what to do at this point. Thanks for reading.
It’s time for you to take a huge step back and get some fresh perspective on this slow motion trainwreck of a relationship.
First, you need a quick reminder of what “almost two months” actually means. It’s under sixty days. If you’d bought your boyfriend at The Gap, you’d still be able to return him and get a full refund. Two months is nothing. It’s definitely not “sobbing uncontrollably for hours” territory.
Admit it, you’re still holding in your farts around this guy, and yet he’s relying on you to be his entire emotional support system. That’s ridiculous. Even if he didn’t have what certainly sounds like clinical depression on top of a pretty significant anxiety disorder, it would still be inappropriate for him to burden you with all of his bullshit this early in the relationship.
It’s bad enough that he doesn’t get along with his family, but does he not have any other friends? Who else in his life knows that he’s on dose-dependent psych medication? Why is this all suddenly your problem, and honestly, how are you not seeing this procession of gigantic red flags?
Sure, I get that you’re falling for him, and of course that feels wonderful, but don’t let the temporary high of being lovestoned distract you from how much you’re being emotionally drained by this guy.
If you’re gonna stick this one out for a while (and I’m not saying you should), then you’ve gotta start setting some boundaries. You don’t have to be his entire support system, certainly not at the expense of your own mental health.
If you’re not in a place where you can be there for him, then simply remove yourself from the situation. If it ends up costing you the relationship, so be it.
My friend is a lesbian who’s very extreme in her views and is often quite offensive to me about being straight and how my relationship is ‘boring and meaningless’ because of this. How do I show her this is just as hurtful as a homophobic comment?
Um, you’re straight. How the fuck would you know how much homophobic comments hurt?
Maybe if you weren’t so eager to play the victim, you could see past your own smarmy sense of entitlement long enough to recognize that just because you’re offended, that doesn’t mean you’re also being oppressed.
If your lesbian friend is talking smack about you, then by all means, tell her to go fuck herself. Call her out for being an asshole, but keep that whiny “just as hurtful” bullshit to yourself.
You will always lose that argument.
As a stripper who’s been in the industry for 6 years now, I’d be interested to hear your reasons for telling that newbie couple to “keep [their] expectations low”. Are you saying they should keep their expectations low because it probably won’t be as much fun as they hope, and the dancers won’t be as attractive/intelligent/skilled as they imagine? Or are you saying they should keep their expectations low in terms of what they’ll be able to “get away with” (touching a stripper during a lap dance, taking one home, etc.)?
Yes.
Why can’t I seem to stay in a relationship past 3 or 4 months?
Because that’s the shelf life of bullshit.
The girl I’m casually seeing just told me no one’s ever been able to make her come. What should I do?
Tell her that it’s perfectly okay and that there’s nothing wrong with her. Tell her that you appreciate her openness and vulnerability. Don’t take it as a challenge, and don’t put any pressure on her to have an orgasm. In other words, don’t make it about you.
A man that I met while traveling in Europe is launching a Bitcoin exchange, and wants to launch a social networking site in tandem with it. I am a community manager between gigs. He recently offered to buy a plane ticket and pay my salary for the next two months before I start my Masters in the fall. This doesn’t seem like a real thing.
Yeah, unless your dad is Liam Neeson, you might wanna consider a little extra due diligence before accepting this gig.
What’s the point of hatefucks? Like, to take a food analogy, if you hate carrots, why eat some when you can have tomatoes or beets?
Your analogy confuses hatefucking for actually hating to fuck. A better food analogy would be that a hatefuck is like a pie eating contest — it’s aggressive, messy, and it requires that you momentarily suspend your dignity, but every once in a while it’s fun to engorge yourself without having to give a shit about table manners.
My girlfriend and I are thinking about going to a strip club. Neither of us has been to one before, so we have no idea about proper strip club etiquette. Any hard-and-fast rules?
Keep your expectations low, keep your hands to yourself, and when in doubt, tip. (That goes for both of you.)
You have no idea how badly I want to give up.
Yes I do.
I had a dream last night that I spent a day hanging out with you and Donna Meagle.
Did you treat yourself?
Do you think Hooters is demeaning to women?
No. I think fast food chains that pay single mothers minimum wage are demeaning to women. Hooters is just tacky.
Is there a difference between fuck buddies, friends with benefits, and an “erotic friendship” (a term a guy with whom I’m beginning my first explorations into polyamory coined)? I feel like there is but I don’t want to be duped into some bullshit. Any advice from someone more seasoned would be appreciated, thanks!
Each of those three reductive relationship labels has its own unique flavor, even if their basic meaning is similar.
“Fuck buddies” is the most casual label, and can easily apply to anyone in your life who sticks around longer than a one night stand but who doesn’t otherwise qualify for anything particularly romantic.
“Friends with benefits” puts the emphasis on an actual friendship, which may or may not be worth anything if the benefits start getting complicated. Maintaining friends with benefits status can work, but only if everyone involved is emotionally honest, and only for as long as those emotions are purely platonic.
As for an “erotic friendship,” it sounds like your little polyamorous Magellan needs to back away from his dogeared copy of The Unbearable Lightness of Being and go rinse the douche out of his game.
Trust your nose. If it smells like bullshit, it’s probably bullshit. This dude obviously wants to fuck you, and that’s cool if you’re into it, but don’t let him smooth talk his way into your pants by taking credit for a line he borrowed from Kundera.
When it comes to labels like “fuck buddies,” “friends with benefits,” and yes, even “erotic friendship,” the only thing that really matters is whether everyone involved understands and agrees that the relationship is fundamentally platonic rather than fundamentally romantic.
If everyone’s clear on the platonic nature of things, there’s much less likely to be a problem once you start adding naked time into the mix.
My boyfriend fantasizes about having a threesome with me and another girl. One night when he was rolling he was so obsessed with the idea that he wouldn’t shut up until I agreed to go forward with it in the next 6 months. I later told him I wasn’t down and I felt pressured into agreeing and he got sad and said he started questioning other facets of my identity and my overall interest in him. We’re both 21, we’ve been together for 4 years, and he’s never pulled anything like this before. Help?
You’ve been with this dude for 4 years and you’re only 21? Honestly, I’m surprised it took you guys this long to start circling the drain.
The only help I can give is to bluntly tell you that your relationship has almost run it’s course, and you should prepare yourself for it to end, most likely before the holiday season. Whatever you do, don’t start having threesomes that you don’t want to have. It’s not going to save your relationship either way.
Don’t freak out. You two had a good run, but eventually you both need to move on and experience other things. He can go have threesomes. You can finally date an adult. Everyone will learn something new.
I cheated, came clean, and after some work, he forgave me. We’ve been together for over a year and shit has been fantastic. He’s my dream dude, so why am I the one having trouble trusting him?
You’re the one having trouble trusting him because you’re the one who cheated. Cheaters are always plagued with trust issues. It’s a little slice of karmic retribution I like to call cheater’s irony.
I’d tell you I’m sorry, but I’m not. You cheated, and now you’re worried he’ll do the same to you. Tough shit. That’s just how it goes.
I’ve been with this man on and off since middle school. We have an eight year old daughter, which is the main reason why I’m still with him. He is a great man, but I am not truly happy. We have built a home for our daughter together, and I feel wrong to end it and have to put her through the heartbreak and mess. What the hell would you do?
It doesn’t matter what the hell I would do, because I wasn’t stupid enough to get knocked up by some guy I met at recess. What the hell you should do is continue putting your daughter first, and get ridiculous notions of being “truly happy” out of your head. “Truly happy” doesn’t exist. It’s just another bullshit manifestation of the “happily ever after” fantasy.
You’ve built a home for your daughter with a great man. Nicely done, but you don’t get to fuck it all up over a mild case of existential ennui. I’m sorry that you’re bored, but tough shit. It’s not your daughter’s fault that you regret settling down with your first pre-teen crush. She’s eight, so for at least the next decade, her best interests come first, and your best interests come second. That’s what it means to be a mother.
Now, as for becoming happier more often in your current circumstances, take a hot minute to examine what exactly you feel is missing in your relationship. Do you want more passion? More excitement? Or do you just want a shiny new dick to sit on every once in a while? There are any number of obvious solutions to all kinds of unfulfilled needs, but if your problem really boils down to a bunch of “this isn’t how I thought my life would turn out” angst, then please just shut the fuck up and go do some yoga like all the other listless housewives.
Are you seriously suggesting someone do a bump of coke before they go to work? Am I so square that I think this is a terrible idea?
I may be full of terrible ideas, but you’ve been culturally conditioned to think that there’s any real difference between a morning bump of cocaine and a morning cup of coffee.
Either way, you’re just self-medicating with an addictive chemical stimulant made from a South American plant extract. Caffeine just happens to be socially acceptable, and cocaine is socially taboo.
The difference is so arbitrary that it’s ridiculous. Of course, everything about America’s drug policy is arbitrary and ridiculous, so I’m not surprised when the whole coffee slurping country doesn’t even see its own hypocrisy.