But but but. Somebody’s going to work hard enough to make enough money to have a Bugatti. Or a Maserati. Or whatever. Sure, it ain’t gonna happen for the masses. But it’ll happen for a handful, won’t it?

Get it out of your head that it’s possible to attain ostentatious wealth by “working hard enough.” That’s not how the system is built.

Sure, a tiny handful of super-rich elites will always be able to buy two million dollar sports cars, but their fortunes are not earned through hard work. Their fortunes are amassed through calculated exploitation.

Hard work has its rewards, but Bugattis are for lottery winners — genetic, capitalist, or actual fucking lottery winners.

“What’s the difference between a selfie and a self portrait?
An artist.”

Can you elaborate a bit more? I’m teaching a class on a short history of self-portraits (especially focusing on the artists’ psychological self-representation) to high school kids and touching on selfies as a point of discussion. I’d love to learn more about your opinion/in which direction it’d be interesting to lead the discussion.

Okay, sure. If one of your students whips out her camera phone and takes a picture of herself for the sake of taking a picture of herself, that’s nothing more than a selfie.

Now, if that very same student whips out her camera phone and takes an identical picture of herself, but she does it for the sake of almost any other aesthetic purpose, then she can be considered an artist creating a self portrait.

The quality of the image isn’t what’s important, but rather the aesthetic intent of the person creating the image. A self portrait is art. (Not necessarily good art, but art nonetheless.) At best, a selfie is craft, and that’s the fundamental distinction I’m making here.

The difference between craft and art is the difference between how and why. The how is obvious, but if your student can’t answer why she’s taking a picture of herself in a manner that isn’t self-referential, then she probably hasn’t earned the right to call it a self portrait.

I’m a new college kid, raised in the generation of instant gratification and cell phones and selfies. Yesterday I either lost my phone in the pit at a concert or I was pick pocketed. Either way, I may not have another one for a week.

No big deal right?

It’s not, but I catch myself finding it a bigger deal than it is. It’s my alarm clock, it’s every contact I have, shit I even have a “note” on there with my favorite quotes from you. I can’t take pictures, I can’t listen to music in public, I can’t text people (which is this inconveniently relieving feeling, if that makes sense). Can you explain why I feel like this and if it’s something I should change? I mean I have my social networks, but I also read books and listen to good music, I’m educated on current events, and go out when I can afford it. I guess I’m too complacent for my own good because I’ve never thought that I was as attached to my phone as everyone else, but clearly I am, and I feel like that’s indicative of either a weak personality or a boring personality or fuck, idk. I guess I want you to kick my ass for being just like everyone else, but I feel like I just shouldn’t give as much of a shit as I do about not having my phone for a week.

But at the same time, it’s like this weird breath of fresh air. I don’t make any fucking sense, even to myself. I apologize.

Instead of kicking your ass, I’m going to fuck with your head by giving you some homework.

Go back and rewrite every sentence in this question without using the words “I,” “me,” or “my.” You may write in second or third person, but you may not use the passive voice.

Replace every mention of your cell phone with the concept of ego identity. You may use the terms “ego,” “identity,” or “ego-identity.”

Send it to me so I can check your work. If you do this correctly, you should come to realize that even minor existential angst can reveal the underlying absurdity of the human condition.

I’m seeing a guy who’s smart and kind and makes me laugh. We’ve been together about a year. A few months in, when feelings started to happen, he revealed I’m his first girlfriend. That’s been hard for me to swallow – I was married for 10 years and have a kid.

I can’t shake the feeling the whole thing is doomed and I’m being stupid or indulging myself somehow. And then if I make it past that thought, I don’t have a decent answer when I ask myself – even if I’m right and it is “doomed,” does that matter if it’s good?

Everything is doomed. Quit worrying and enjoy yourself.

I need it straight.

My fiance has a past history of cheating on me and lying about it (once that I know of, about 6 years ago). I forgave him.

I’ve just recently found out that he tried to play footsie with a very good friend of mine twice over the last couple of months, making her uncomfortable.

I feel like I need ‘proof’ that he’s been cheating again to leave him. This is me merely being lazy about dealing with the situation, right?

You don’t need proof. You don’t even need evidence. Stop building a fucking court case and recognize that the only thing you need to justify leaving him is the lack of trust you feel in the first place.

For the record, if you marry this guy, he will eventually cheat on you again. It may not be for many years, and you may not even find out about it, but it will happen.

Can you live with that?

It will never fail to amaze me how you can state an opinion as simple as “I think selfies are tacky” and have a million people flood to your inbox, because heaven forbid an anonymous person on the internet has a thought that differs from their own.

I know, right? I’m always fascinated by unexpected backlash. You’d think I’d looked these kids in the eye and called them tacky.

I guess I sort of get it. People took it personally because selfies are a ritualized behavior closely tied to identity, but still, if I had made a critical statement about mirrors, would people think I was insulting their reflections?

(Interestingly, yes, the narcissists would.)

It sounds like your problem is with “selfie culture” rather than people taking pictures of themselves.

Sure. You’re playing a little fast and loose with the word “culture,” but I get what you’re saying. The phenomenon taken as a whole is what bugs me.

At the end of the day, my real problem is with narcissism and bad lighting.

Why are selfies tacky?
Selfies are tacky because tacky people take selfies.

What’s the difference between a selfie and a self portrait?
An artist.

what’s your problem with selfies bitch?
My problem is their ubiquity and pervasiveness. The selfie phenomenon reflects a certain kind of crass self-absorption that I find repulsive, and I’m tired of staring back at legions of shirtless duckfaced morons posing under the florescent lights of their own bathroom mirrors.

what about the selfie as a way for women to be photographed the way they see themselves instead of as objects of the male gaze?
Don’t use feminist theory to make excuses for your narcissism.

I take selfies and I’m not tacky!
Fine. You’re the exception. You’re special. Whatever.

“I’m in love with my best friend. He hasn’t accepted that he’s honestly bisexual yet. I don’t know how to proceed. Help?”

I read this as a girl talking about her gay best friend.

Yes, and my answer was “Stop sucking his dick.” You’ll notice how it applies regardless of gender, both literally and figuratively.

Can you explain why cultural appropriation is so wrong? I want to style my hair like Miley Cyrus’ but a couple of my friends told me she appropriated that style from hip hop culture. I know she did, but butches did it first. Pink did it first. I don’t really get it.

Actually, the official chief mistress of Louis XV did it first. Her name was Jeanne Antoinette Poisson, Marquise de Pompadour. Not that any relevant history matters, because your sphere of influence is just a candy-coated pop culture bubble that extends one degree of separation beyond Miley Fucking Cyrus.

The good news is that there’s nothing culturally appropriative about Miley’s current haircut. The bad news is that for you to understand why, it would require that you have a sense of culture in the first place.

Just tell your stylist you want a platinum quiff, and try not to fall asleep while chewing gum.

ugh! my boyfriend is so cheap! We don’t live together, so when we visit each other, we usually buy takeout. I’ll order and have it delivered before so it’s there when he arrives and I pay for the whole thing. Then, when I go to visit him, he never has any dinner planned and when we do finally choose something, we always split the bill.

He never says “i’ll take you out” or “i’ll get this one”, his only sentance is “how are we paying for this?”

wtf do I do about it? Should I do anything?

Hey, you picked him. This is who he is. If you want a boyfriend who isn’t cheap and lazy, you can either put in the work to train him out of his bad habits, or you can go get a better one.

Either way, you’re an idiot for putting up with this shit in the first place.