“Whilst” is proper and accepted in England, even though it’s strange to Americans.
Thanks, Hermione. I never got to go to Hogwarts.
Good lookin’ out, though. Say hey to Harry for me.
Category Archives: Advice
On missing something
Is it unhealthy that most of the sex I’ve had has been whilst under the influence? I never thought of it that way until my two closest friends brought it up to me the other day and now I feel like I’m meant to feel wrong for not seeing it as unhealthy. The thing is, I’m not a relationship kind of person, and I don’t have a particularly high sex-drive, so I don’t really go looking for it, so it tends to happen more if I’m out having a few drinks and a laugh. One friend claimed it’s the most depressing thing he’s ever heard, and the other said maybe I should stop. It’s not like I’m going out, getting trashed and bringing people home constantly, or being stupid or hurtful about it in anyway. In fact for the best part of the last two years until recently I’ve slept with one guy and often that was sober … so, basically, I don’t get their issue. Am I missing something?
Do yourself a favor and stop using the word “whilst” in written correspondence. It makes you sound like a gigantic asshole.
Then again, your friends sound like gigantic assholes too, so maybe you’re just a product of your environment. Either way, don’t ever allow yourself to be slut-shamed, especially by friends.
Remember, it’s not about how often you’re having sex under the influence. It’s about why you’re having sex under the influence. In your case, it sounds like you’ve built up an identity around not being “a relationship kind of person,” whatever that means.
I’m not saying it’s unhealthy, but it’s obviously a rationalization for your pattern of behavior. Odds are, you’re just a young girl with a light dusting of garden-variety attachment issues. If anything, consider focusing some energy on forming intimate connections with people in your life.
For instance, you said until recently, you’d spent the better part of the last two years in a monogamous relationship. (Actually, you said the “best” part of the last two years, which has some significance in its double meaning, but I digress.) You went out of your way not to call this guy your boyfriend. That’s fine, but it’s also significant. What’s going on there?
I don’t know any of the details, but I get the sense that you’re going through a kind of post-breakup phase. Naturally, you’d play it off as anything other than a traditional breakup, but that doesn’t change the fact that the underlying emotions are still the same, and that the resulting patterns of behavior are fairly predictable.
Like it or not, you’re rebounding right now. You asked me flat out if you were missing something (a question that’s also loaded with double meaning.) The answer, of course, is yes. You are missing something.
Maybe you’re missing the ability to connect with just one guy. Maybe you’re missing that one guy in particular. Maybe you’re just missing the point. I don’t know, but you’re definitely missing something.
That’s not to say there’s anything unhealthy or destructive about your current pattern of behavior. I’m not judging you for having drunken sex, and you shouldn’t let others judge you either. Still, it’s worth a bit of serious self-examination to discover the root causes of why you’re acting this way.
On joseph kony’s fame.
What’s your take on the Make Joseph Kony Famous movement?
It’s an interesting experiment in charity-based international justice. It’s also well timed. The movement has the potential for success, but only during the current administration, and only in this election year.
It comes down to whether President Obama finds it politically expedient to use the U.S. military to directly intervene and either kill or capture Kony.
That’s all that matters. Everything else is marketing and public relations in furtherance of fundraising.
If you want my prediction, Oprah will end up being the one who really takes this to Obama’s doorstep in a public way. The question is, can a movement like this put enough pressure on the President in the thick of campaign season so that he chooses to dust off SEAL Team Six for a sequel? Maybe. Probably not.
One thing’s for sure, if we hear President Obama mention Joseph Kony’s name in the same breath as Osama Bin Laden, that evil fucker’s days are numbered.
We’ll see.
As always, these things are more nuanced than the hipster documentarian from USC film school would lead us to believe.
On your doctorate in philosophy.
I have a doctorate in philosophy, and I still think theism is a logical stance. You’re a cunty little ignoramus who is so certain about something which I’m willing to bet you know very little about.
I’d rather be a cunty little ignoramus than the kind of monumental douche-nugget who refers to their PhD as a “doctorate in philosophy.”
We get it. You wrote a dissertation. Whoop-de-fuckin’-doo. Everyone still thinks you’re an asshole when you tell them to call you Doctor.
As for your logical stance on theism, thanks for writing in with your opinion. The line for people who want a cookie starts outside by the dumpster full of all the fucks I don’t give.
On the recent change.
Why Coquette? What happened to Coke Talk?
Nothing happened to Coke Talk. Not really. It’s still me, and as much as I’ve enjoyed everyone’s wild speculation, the recent name change had nothing to do with the Coca-Cola Corporation or the Illuminati. Sorry to disappoint.
The truth of it is, I just decided it was time. It’s a different decade now. I’ve been writing professionally as The Coquette for over a year, and quite frankly, I’m not a kid anymore.
Can’t put it in much simpler terms than that.
To those of you who sent kinds words, I really appreciate it. To those of you who wrote in with variations of “I fear change,” I promise, you’ll get over it.
Either way, thanks so much for reading.
Love you, fuckers!
On an inferior man
My housemate is almost exactly like the guy from your “On the nice guy” post. I know he has no respect for girls, because he puts them on a pedestal, but at the same time is extremely threatened if there’s any hint of a girl getting the best of him (he hates feminism and thinks anyone who is one is the stereotypical second-wave man hating bra burner.)
He doesn’t treat me like this because I know he doesn’t see me as a potential girlfriend, but it bothers me that his thought process about girls is so monumentally fucked up. He’s a very miserable person who tries to mask it but doesn’t do a very good job because all of his negativity about girls and relationships just festers under his personality. He hates himself and thus hates girls because they don’t date him/have sex with him.
Is there anything I can say to him that will prompt him to examine his personality and his opinions on girls?
Oh, and he wants to be a relationship therapist.
Okay, here’s what you do. Go pick up a copy of The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida. Do you have a boyfriend? Great. If at all possible, have him casually give it to your housemate. It doesn’t have to be complicated, just a “Dude, this book is really great. Every man should read it,” sort of thing.
Point is, it’ll be better if he thinks the book was given to him by a guy. (Ironically, so he won’t feel like he’s being tricked.) Make sure he reads it. I guarantee the book will have a profound effect on him.
Just to be clear, I’m not endorsing The Way of the Superior Man. David Deida is a stepping stone to superior manliness in the same way that Ayn Rand is a stepping stone to legitimate philosophy. It’s a valuable tool if you are already, in fact, a tool.
All this book will do is turn a malignant level of douchebaggery into a benign level of douchebaggery. Still, it teaches what your roommate needs to learn right now.
Baby steps.
On feminism.
What exactly is feminism? The definition seems so convoluted because of all the stigmas and faces attached to it, I would appreciate a straight answer from a straight talker. It almost appears to me to be a viewpoint that articulates the superiority of women over men, rather than the equality of sexes. Help? Thank you.
(You don’t really want a straight answer. You just want me to take the bait. Go back to troll school, you silly troll.)
On breitbart.
Andrew Breitbart is dead. What’s the most appropriate way to feel when someone you’ve loathed is gone?
It’s okay to loathe his legacy. It’s okay to feel good about his new-media empire suddenly losing most of its symbolic capital, but whatever you do, don’t relish that the man is dead.
He was a magnificent asshole, but he was still a human being. The dude was only forty-three. He had a wife and four kids. That situation is incredibly sad.
On sucker punch.
Thoughts on Sucker Punch? I could totally imagine you being one of those babes.
You could totally imagine me being a scantily clad victim of rape and violence trapped with no free will in an incoherent mess of adolescent pornographic fantasy?
Yeah, no. That’s not a compliment.
Sorry, dude. You’re confusing female empowerment for being heavily armed with a vagina.
On persona
Coke, is your ‘raging bitch’ persona really all that different from wanting to be a fictional character? I mean, yeah there’s meaningful and creepy differences between playing a role and wanting to be a specific fictional character instead of putting a particular spin on yourself, but I feel like there’s a bit of pot calling kettle black going on here. Your whole ‘deal’ on this site feels a lot like that sort of fantasy. :/
On which fictional character am I based? Am I pretending to be someone else’s character, or would you at least grant that my online persona is somewhat original? That’s the point.
Everyone’s aspirational identity is based on various amalgams of both real and fictional role models. That’s not the problem. The problem is when people do it passively, without any self-examination or original thought.
Self knowledge is critical here. It’s the difference in being able to say, “I know who I am, and therefore I have adopted ‘X’ as an expression of my identity,” versus, “I don’t have a fucking clue who I am, and therefore I have adopted ‘X’ as an expression of my identity.”
One is clothing. The other is costume.